Jayne and Simon's Excellent Adventure
by The Frisky Firelily
Summary: When Jayne and Simon are left stranded they have to get over their previous hatred in order to survive. NOT SLASH. S/K, R/J, M/I, Z/W  memories  Post-BDM.
1. Chapter 1

**TITLE: **Jayne and Simon's Excellent Adventure

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine

**A/N: **ARGH! Can't seem to stop writing, sigh. Credit for this idea goes to the awesome folks at Rafia, and I'm kinda over excited to write it :P Also inspired cuz I was listening to Bad Boys 4 Life, had a funny mental picture.

* * *

Simon's voice was an angry yell over the dinner table as he stood and pointed at the thief. "Because I had clearly said I wanted the last roll!"

Jayne rolled his eyes as he stood abruptly, talking through a mouthful of his pilfered food. "Ain't no dibs here Doc, take what ya can get and get out."

Simon huffed in frustration and narrowed his eyes. "You must be the lowest level of evolution that can still be referred to as human."

Jayne scoffed, rolling his shoulders threateningly. "Them's some fancy words fer I'm bigger'n you Doc."

Mal rolled his eyes, his patience coming to an end as he stood and shouted. "ENOUGH! Now I don't know why you two can't keep a civil _gorram_ tongue at my dinner table but the next one o' you ta talk without permission is gonna be introduced to the airlock, _dong ma_?"

Jayne and Simon lowered themselves back into their seats, looking like admonished, sulky children. Mal's temper had been dangerously thin ever since Inara had left (for a second time), and pushing him right now did not seem the smartest idea in the 'verse, even to Jayne.

Mal nodded, settling back into his chair. "Good, now y'all're bein' quiet maybe we can get on with things. I'ma need ya ta attend this meetin' for me."

Simon's eyes bugged out of his head. "You want me to work with HIM? Why can't you run the meeting yourself?"

Mal narrowed his eyes. "Watch yer tone Doc. Cuz I got a _gorram _meetin' on Persephone with Badger, and nobody else can do this one."

Jayne flicked his eyes over the table. Zoe was heavily pregnant with Wash's little one, noboby was willing to risk a miscarriage of such precious cargo, least of all Zoe. Kaylee wouldn't be any use in a meeting, and she'd be needed on ship. That left Mal, who was meeting Badger, and River, who wouldn't be able to run a meeting without creepin' the pants offa their client.

He groaned. "Come on, Mal. Ain't like it'll take that long, an' the Doc ain't got no experience with this kinda thing."

Mal tilted his head to one side. "I'm sorry, at what point did it sound like I was openin' this up fer discussion? I'ma need River fer the meetin' with Badger, an' Zoe ain't goin' nowhere with that baby in her belly. The meetin' is today, an' Badger needs ta see me tonight – I ain't got the time ta do both. Cameron needs ta discuss this job, and I'll give ya credits ta stay somewhere over night."

His faced turned dark. "More importantly though, I need this _go se_ to work, an' since you can't manage ta fake manners even when yer life depends on it, yer gonna need the Doc."

Jayne opened his mouth to protest but Mal silenced him with a look. "No complaints! This is happenin', we'll be here ta pick ya up tomorrow, just deal with it."

Simon rolled his eyes skyward, cursing Inara for leaving the ship. She hadn't told Mal why she was leaving, had just demanded one day to be dropped on Sihnon, and Mal's temper had run hotter than an energy core ever since. It had been almost two weeks since she'd left, and damned if the boat wasn't getting harder to live on with each passing day.

He glanced over to where Jayne was pushing his food around the plate sulkily. River, seated next to the mercenary, was looking paler than usual, and Simon wished he could just stay and comfort her.

Simon sighed as the room began to clear, seeing Kaylee move quickly back to the engine room. He bolted after her, rounding the corner quickly. When he entered the engine room she flashed him an angry glance before turning around. He wanted nothing more than to tuck a curl of that dark blonde hair behind her ear and kiss her but knew that wasn't likely to go down well.

"Kaylee, please, please talk to me."

She shook her head as she turned and slipped under the engine, her voice muffled by the whirring. "Nope, ain't interested, Leave me alone Simon."

He sighed as he nodded, heading back through the halls towards his bunk. He flung himself on the bed, throwing an arm to cover his eyes and sighing loudly. She had refused to speak to him for weeks now, and he knew he had to find some way to make this up to her. Ever since they'd…become intimate, ever since he said that stupid, thoughtless, thing she had refused to stay in his company unless absolutely necessary. Several months of happiness ruined by a thoughtless mistake. Before when she'd gotten annoyed at him she would only stay mad for a little while.

Now…

Now she pointedly ignored him, his every attempt to reconcile being immediately knocked back. He had no idea Kaylee could hold a grudge like this, but he guessed she wasn't going to let him off easily.

And now he got to spend his time with an ape-man-gone-wrong thing who probably couldn't even spell his own name.

Simon sighed loudly. Great day.

* * *

He knew she was in his bunk long before he saw her. His nose could pick her out in a roomful of drunks, it wasn't hard to find her in the confined space. As he dropped down he pointedly ignored looking at the bed, immediately heading for the sink to wash his face before checking ammunitions stores. She didn't move, and when he turned he didn't bother meeting her eyes as he stripped off his t-shirt in exchange for another one.

He grunted. "Get outta here, girl."

When he glanced up for a second she was perched demurely on the edge of the bed, brown eyes downcaste, her shoulders slumped. "Need to talk, important things to say."

He ignored the way that pale green dress clung to her slim form, ignored the newly acquired thinness of her shoulders, the limpness of her hair.

He scoffed. "Ain't got nuthin' I wanna say at you, an' even less I wanna hear."

She turned those eyes towards him, a tear streaming down her cheek. "If he would just listen-"

"I'm done listenin', girl, now get outta here 'afore I call yer brother fer another shot."

It was a bluff, they both knew it. She hadn't needed medication since Miranda, had been getting stronger and healthier every day, but the threat still stung. He saw her flinch as if his words had cut her before her face closed over and she nodded once.

She stood without looking at him, heading straight for the ladder. As her bare feet disappeared up the rungs he shook himself, relieved at the solitude.

Well, that's one problem done with.

* * *

Simon waited for his eyes to adjust to the night as Jayne fiddled with his earwig. Philia was a warm planet on the inner Rim, and the town of Hapsfield was slowly turning in for the evening, the night dwellers coming out of their holes to sow their trade. They both carried a small bag on their backs, and Vera was strapped to Jayne's chest, along with a number of other weapons that Simon was fairly sure didn't even equate to the concealed arsenal the mercenary was probably packing.

Mal's voice crackled into their ears as they walked through the town. _"Now I don't want any problems, dong ma? Jus' get in there, make us sound good, and get out. Find yerselves somewhere ta bunk fer the night and we'll pick ya up here tomorrow. There's a wave in the town pharmacy iffen ya need anythin'."_

Simon stifled a laugh as Jayne nodded to Mal's instructions. "He can't see you, you know."

Jayne rolled his eyes. "Well ain't you jus' the funny man."

They moved towards their coordinates, a club on the outskirts of town, as they heard Serenity take off in the distance. Any minute now Mal's comm would cut out and they'd be left here on their own to handle things.

Simon's eyes widened as they reached the address. The building was tall and imposing, carved from the marble for which Philia was famous. Jayne was staring curiously at the statues that adorned the building, narrowing his eyes for a closer look as a pounding beat thrummed from inside the club.

Simon noticed it before Jayne did, saw exactly what the people in those statues were doing, and Mal's mocking voice was like a jolt of electricity.

"_Oh, by the way, it's a bondage club."_


	2. Chapter 2

**TITLE: **Jayne and Simon's Excellent Adventure

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews guys! There'll be more inclusion of other Serenity crew people are the story progresses, but I'm really glad you like this so far!

* * *

Simon gulped. "I…I don't think I can go in there."

Jayne smirked at Simon's obvious discomfort. "Aww, what's the matter Doc? 'Fraid of a lil rough housin'?"

Simon glared. "Jayne, what you and your whores do in your free time is your business, but personally I don't feel comfortable going into a roomful of sadists to negotiate crime."

Something strange flashed briefly in Jayne's eyes but was gone before Simon could decipher it. The mercenary took a second to survey their surroundings, doing that strange motion of swinging his hand to his hip, wrist, ankle and back in one fluid motion.

Before Simon could ask what he was doing Jayne turned back to him, holding up two fingers in a salute. "Firstly, shaddup." Dropped down one finger til just the middle one was up. "Secondly, either we go on in and get this over with, or you have'ta explain ta Mal why we ain't got this job."

Simon sighed. "Fine, but we get out as quickly as possible, _dong ma_?"

Jayne rolled his eyes but nodded. "_Wu dong_. Now, why don't ya hand over them credits Mal gave ya fer our bunkin' tonight."

Simon laughed as he moved forward towards the burly bouncer. "And to that a resounding hell no."

Before Jayne could retort Simon addressed the large, suit clad man at the front of the club. "We're here to see Cameron."

The bouncer flicked his eyes over Jayne's obscene t-shirt and Simon's white business shirt. He looked ready to say no, obviously unimpressed by the two men in front of him, but Jayne's eyes turned hard and his voice was firm.

"We're from Serenity, Cap'n Reynolds sent us."

The bouncer nodded once, gesturing them through the doors of _La Maison de l'Agonie Exquise_. The heavy bass they'd heard outside was nothing compared to the din inside. Simon had been dragged to his fair share of bars by now but this was something else. The entire place was so dark he had to strain his eyes not to bump into people, the only lights coming from glowing red cages where men and women in barely there leather were writhing.

Though there was a packed dance floor filled with people in various states of undress that made Simon blush, there were also a myriad of secret nooks and crannies. Dark velvet curtains concealed couples and groups engaged in…my god, what were they doing?

Was that a ball gag?

A whip crack broke through the crowd from one such room and the club erupted into cheers. Jayne whistled at Simon, gesturing to the bar. The mercenary seemed relatively unaffected, although he was taking a good long look at the scantily clad 'slave' women in the cages above their heads. He gestured for two whiskies, swinging one down to Simon, impressed when the Doctor swallowed it in one fast gulp.

A red head dressed in skin tight leather and thigh high boots approached, running a leather riding crop up Jayne's exposed tattoo. "You looking for a bad time, honey?"

Jayne ran his eyes quickly over the body in front of him, particularly the breasts pushed up impossibly high by the corset, but shook his head. "Nah, jus' here fer business darlin'."

She raised an eyebrow and ran one long nail down his chest. "Well if your business gets finished early you come find Mistress Elsa, _dong ma_?"

Jayne smirked and nodded appreciatively, but turned back to the bar and his drink. Simon was surprised; job or no job, he'd never, ever seen Jayne turn down an opportunity for 'gettin' sexed' by a hot woman.

The man who slinked up to them was dressed in a miniscule pair of leather shorts and nothing else, but the nod he gave them was deferential. "Gentlemen, I'm Maggot. I'm to take you to Master Cameron."

Simon had an extremely bad feeling about this, and from the look of Jayne's face he wasn't the only one. Still, there was little else to do given the situation, and they followed their guide through the sweating, leather clad masses to a raised platform partially concealed by a curtain.

On the back wall a man was hung in a position Simon could only describe as extremely problematic for one's health, while another was resting on all fours as a footstool for the man sitting in the chair. All were clad in the same tiny shorts as Maggot, and nothing else. The man in the chair was tall and slim, white blonde hair and icy blue eyes that fixed imperiously on Jayne and Simon. Unlike everyone else in the bar he was dressed in an immaculate navy suit, silver cufflinks each glinting with a single set diamond that matched the ones in either ear. Carson Cameron was renowned for his illegal diamond trade, but apparently Mal had forgotten to mention that he was also…well…involved in some strange predilections.

The one hanging from the wall, for example.

He stood slowly, a glass of champagne in one hand, and he ran his eyes over both of them, leaving Simon with the uncomfortable feeling of being stripped naked.

He gave them a humourless smile. "Well boys, I was expecting Captain Reynolds. Instead he sends me a pretty Core thing and…"

He leered at Jayne, tilting his head mockingly. "Well, you are a big boy aren't you."

Jayne crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared straight ahead. "You Cameron?"

The man chuckled, walking around Jayne in a slow circle. "That I am, and who might you be?"

Jayne grunted. "Mal's merc."

Cameron looked at Simon with a laugh. "Oh, he's feisty isn't he!" He turned back to Jayne, running his hand over the bigger man's shoulder. "What are you, six two, six three? Two hundred pounds?"

Jayne was silent for a moment before realizing Cameron wasn't going to let this one go. "Six four, two thirty."

Cameron cackled delightedly. "Oh my! How much do you bench press, sugar?" He trailed one long fingered hand over the LeMat at Jayne's hip, smirking when Jayne's face grew darker. "My oh my, what big guns you have!"

He leaned in close to Jayne's ear. "You scared of a sly man, Mal's merc?"

Jayne shook his head, still staring straight ahead. "Nope, don't care iffen yer sly, jus' don't want ya goin' after my guns."

Cameron looked shocked for a moment before bursting into a peel of laughter, looking back to his silent 'slaves' and smirking. "Oh, I like him."

Cameron looked ready to see just how uncomfortable he could make the mercenary and Simon decided to step in before things got ugly. "Cameron, we're here on behalf of Captain Reynolds. He said you were looking for cargo transport to take a regular route, we thought we'd offer our services."

If Jayne wasn't so busy concentrating on controlling his temper he would have been surprised at Simon's delivery. As it was Cameron just turned those icy eyes on the Doctor, making a show of thinking it over. He pulled a thin black cigarette from his suit pocket, allowing a 'slave' to light it and taking a long, luxurious drag.

"Hmmm, well I do need someone to take a twice monthly run. Fifteen hundred credits a run and full liability on your part."

The offer was better than most they got, and Jayne was ready to accept until Simon shook his head firmly. "Three thousand credits a run and no liability. We're a smuggling ship, Cameron, we get targeted by all kinds of less than pleasant people. Your cargo would be assured safe passage excepting extenuating circumstances."

Jayne's eyes were bugging out of his head and he had to work hard to keep his face expressionless. He was the muscle, nothing more, nothing less, but he had to admit he was ready to strangle the little idiot for blowing this deal. Mal had said anything over a thousand credits a run was acceptable, and here Simon was tripling that amount!

Cameron regarded Simon coolly, exhaling smoke as he spoke. "Three thousand is highway robbery."

Simon shrugged, turning. "Have it your way. See if you can find another ship in the system that's willing to transport cargo as dangerous and valuable as yours. Come on Jayne."

Jayne made a swift decision to strangle Simon without witnesses and come back in with the lower offer. He moved to follow his soon to be dead crewmate out the door when Cameron's voice sounded behind them.

"Twenty five hundred credits a run and partial liability for all acts determined preventable by you. And, you boys stay for a drink."

Two thousand five hundred credits a run? Two thousand five hundred credits twice a month? And a drink?

_Ta ma de_

Simon smirked at the shocked look on Jayne's face, turning around with a charming smile. "Mr Cameron, it's a pleasure to be in business with you."

Jayne stared as Cameron gestured to one of his 'slaves' for a pen and paper, unsure of exactly how to describe what he'd just witnessed.

Hell, he'd always said the Doc needed to grow a pair.

Just didn't realize they'd be so damn big.

* * *

When they exited the club four hours later, having spent the rest of their stay being plied with enough alcohol to fell a mule and fending off Cameron's joking advances, they were cackling loudly. They'd both decided Cameron wasn't half bad, just a little overt with the flirting, but he was making jokes more often than not.

He'd lounged lazily, the drinks making him slur his words as he spoke about the club. "No, noooo…I didn't buy it cuz…cuz I like hurtin' people. S'cuz I like power…thatsh all dis is…power."

By the time they'd left Cameron was being taken up to his room to sleep off the rest of the alcohol and both Simon and Jayne were well past drunk.

Jayne clapped Simon on the back hard enough to make him stumble. "Hell Doc, never thought ya had it in ya! That was some mighty fine neg-neg…deal makin' ya did in there."

Simon, grinning the overly wide grin of someone who had just experienced cocktails for the first time, gave a wobbly bow.

He straightened, concentrating very hard on something he didn't want to ask. "J-jayne, why do you like sly men?"

Jayne blinked slowly. "Huh?"

Simon gestured sloppily back to the club. "In there, you shaid you didn't mind if someone ish shly."

Jayne caught on, bursting into a bellowing laugh. "It ain't that I like sly men, I jusht don't care whish way shomeone shwings, long as they ain't shwinging it at me!"

Simon nodded wisely. "You…you're a shtrange man."

Jayne hiccupped. "Sho are you."

They both narrowed their eyes for a moment, glaring suspiciously at one another.

Then they burst into laughter.

The two continued down the streets, looking for the tavern Cameron had recommended they bunk in for the night. Their amicable drunkenness was fading rapidly after an hour of searching, and the conversation quickly returned to its old patterns.

"He said it was left at the fountain."

"He ain't never said nuthin' bout no fountain; said it was right at the park."

"There was no right at the park! There was just a river!"

"An' left at the fountain led us right to an old folks home!"

"Urgh, you're meant to be a tracker and you can't find your way around one little town?"

"Well who the hell'm I meant ta be trackin'? Jesus Doc, quit yer yappin'."

"Oh, _my_ yappin'? Maybe we could have asked for directions if _you _hadn't been howling that obscene song at everyone we passed."

"I seem ta remember I wasn't doin' all the howlin', an' there ain't nuthin' wrong with a lil drunken singin'."

"Yes but screaming 'Friggin in the Riggin' at the top of ones lungs seems fairly contraindicated when looking for assistance!"

"Then you shouldn'ta been screamin' it too!"

The turned the corner, bickering all the way, when they realized they had reached the bad part of town. Which, in fact, wasn't such a bad thing, since this is where Cameron had said the tavern was. Jayne spotted a sign for _Charlie_'_s_, and went to see if they had any rooms available.

Simon did his best to make himself inconspicuous, leaning against a nearby wall. The woman who approached him was dressed in little more than a nightgown and impossibly high heels. She gave him a charming smile that would have probably been enhanced if she wasn't missing teeth.

"Hey hon, you lookin' for a good time?"

Simon shook his head vehemently. "No, no thank you miss."

She nodded politely, turning and stumbling. "Oh!" She clutched at her ankle, and Simon moved to help support her.

"Are you alright? Did you roll your ankle?"

She nodded, leaning on him for a moment before straightening. Simon saw Jayne exiting the tavern. The big man took in the scene and his eyes went wide as he sprinted towards them.

"GET AWAY!"

Simon was completely confused by the bellow, turning to see the woman standing next to him disappear quickly down one of the labyrinths of alleyways. He turned back to Jayne who was looking beyond furious.

"What the hell do ya think ya were doin'?"

Simon scoffed. "She rolled her ankle! I was doing something nice, not that I'd expect you to recognise that."

Jayne growled angrily. "Ya ain't never seen a pickpocket 'afore? Check yer _gorram_ pockets."

Honestly, did the man think he was an idiot? He was just doing a kindness for a prostitute who probably hadn't seen much of it. Simon rolled his eyes but dutifully ran his hand over his pockets; the familiar shape of his wallet was…not there.

Which meant all the credits for the night…

Oh.

Jayne glared at him.

"I can tell already yer gonna get on my nerves."


	3. Chapter 3

**TITLE: **Jayne and Simon's Excellent Adventure

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine

**A/N: **As it stands as of 14/03/2011, there are 5,678 fics in the Firefly section. 27 of these are Jayne/Inara, 140 are Jayne/Kaylee, 201 are Zoe/Wash, 246 are Simon/Kaylee, 365 are River/Mal, 510 are Mal/Inara and…**896** are River/Jayne. What can we learn from this?

* * *

No way _Charlie's _was taking them in for the night on the promise of credits later. Jayne strode down the street with Simon hurrying after him, the mercenary muttering under his breath that prissy Core boys were less than _gorram_ useless at everything.

Simon called after him, hurrying to keep up. "Look I said I was sorry! How was I meant to know?"

Jayne rolled his eyes. "Cuz yer meant ta have more life experience than a wet blanket! Yer meant ta have learned somethin' these last few years!"

Simon scoffed at the idea Jayne was telling him he needed to learn. "You're not really angry."

"Oh, I think I am."

Simon was rapidly growing sick of apologising, and something about Jayne's tone hit a nerve. "Look, don't pretend you're not enjoying this."

Jayne came to a sudden stop and spun around, towering over him. "WHAT? Why the _guay_ would I be enjoyin' walkin' round a town I don't know in the freezin' cold cuz some idiot Core dandy can't recognise a pickpocket?"

Simon refused to be bullied, standing his ground. "Because you _love_ to see me fail! Admit it! Ever since I got on this ship you've taken an inordinate amount of joy at seeing my many screw ups!"

Jayne's control of his temper was rapidly disintegrating. "Why the hell would I enjoy this kinda failure?"

Simon hissed, his eyes flashing with anger and embarrassment. "Because if I fail you get to tell Kaylee again how much she screwed up when she chose me!"

Jayne was silent, his jaw dropping as Simon continued his rant. "Don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talking about; you're always snarking about how I'm useless, how I don't know anything about surviving. Ever since Kaylee and I got together you've loved putting me down even more! And I know exactly why; you want her for yourself! Well guess what asshole, it's not going to happen!"

Jayne stared at Simon for a long moment before erupting into laughter. Simon stopped ranting in the wake of Jayne's strange reaction, the big man's raucous laughter slowly fading into snickers as he wiped a tear from his eye.

He shook his head as he looked at Simon, who had the uncomfortable feeling of a joke that he wasn't it on. "Doc ya couldn't have yer head any further up yer ass iffen ya tried."

Simon cocked his head. "So…you're not interested in Kaylee?"

Jayne shrugged, refusing to meet Simon's eyes. "Nope, sorry ta blow the steam outta yer engine, I jus' say that stuff cuz ya annoy the crap outta me."

Something about that last sentence didn't quite ring true, but before Simon could question him Jayne suddenly turned, hunting knife at hand as he looked around suspiciously, sniffing the air.

Oh, _go se_.

During their argument they'd somehow wound up in an alleyway and now blocking the entrance were four men, all grinning the nasty, evil grins of people who knew bad things were about to happen to someone other than them.

Simon gulped.

The man closest to them tipped his cap politely. "Sorry ta interrupt you two lovebirds, but we's gonna be takin' yer credits now, plus any other items o' interest ya may have."

Simon sighed. Robbed twice in one night? That had to be a record somewhere, although as he looked at the ugly faces before him he thought mayhaps it wouldn't be a record here. He moved his hand to his pack before Jayne suddenly made his move.

The mercenary whipped out his throwing knife, the blade embedding deeply into one filthy chest with a satisfying thunk. Before anyone could react he'd flung out one meaty paw, smashing the leader's head into a nearby wall, breaking his nose and knocking him out. The two remaining men were drawing their weapons, but Jayne quickly snapped off four shots, each hitting directly in the heart and head of their would be attackers.

Before Simon could recover Jayne was pulling at his shirt, running over the bodies and through the mouth of the alleyway. Sirens in the distance indicated that their encounter hadn't gone unnoticed by the local law enforcement, and for a second Simon actually wished Mal had sprung for the silencer Jayne had wanted a while back.

As they sprinted through the streets, Simon happy to follow Jayne to wherever he was leading him, the doctor thought back to the night Jayne had brought up the silencer issue.

_It was three months after Miranda. He and Kaylee had been…enjoying each other's company ever since that mission through hell, and Simon was currently attending to the crew after a job of Whitehall. _

_Mal had been shot, again. The wound was bad enough to require sedation, but not so bad it would take a full surgery to fix. Still, Simon was working hard to remove all the tiny fragments from Mal's leg when Kaylee entered the infirmary. _

_She was hesitant to disturb him, standing in the doorway. "Is he gonna be ok?"_

_Simon nodded, not looking up at her. "He'll be fine. Just need to get rid of all these fragments so he can heal properly."_

_She was silent for a few seconds before speaking again. "Simon, do you think we could talk sometime?"_

_He grunted, not looking up. "I was under the impression that's exactly what we were doing now."_

_This fragment was stuck in the bone._

_He didn't see the hurt in her eyes as she pressed on. "Just, I got some stuff I wanna ask ya about, so I thought we could…ya know…plan ta talk sometime."_

_He huffed in irritation, struggling with the tiny piece of lead. "Kaylee just tell me whatever it is you want to tell me."_

_She paused for a second before continuing bravely. "Just…we've been seein' each other fer a few months now…an' I wanted…I wanted ta know where this was goin'."_

_He gave a humourless laugh as he found yet another fragment, this one dangerously close to a nerve. "I'm trying to keep his leg from being paralysed and you're trying to have the talk? It's going where it's going Kaylee, my god. Ah ha, got it!"_

_He dropped the fragment into the pan triumphantly and suddenly stopped dead._

_As soon as the words, said in frustration and stress, were out of his mouth he regretted it. They hit his ears like the clang of a gong, and he turned immediately to the doorway to apologise, guilt smothering him as her eyes filled with tears._

"_Kaylee I-"_

_Jayne barged in unceremoniously. "Doc I need a patch job." He gestured to the bullet wound in his arm as Kaylee disappeared back down the hallway._

_Simon called after her. "Kaylee, stop, wait, I'm sorry!"_

_She was already gone._

_He turned back to where Jayne was still talking as if he hadn't noticed a thing. "Seriously, when Mal wakes up let me know, I wanna ask him 'bout gettin' a silencer fer Betty so's this don't happen again."_

_Simon stared open mouthed at the man babbling on his infirmary bench. He wanted to poke his finger into the wound in Jayne's arm, wanted to whack him over the back of the head with a bottle of hydrochloric acid, wanted to punch him til his eye swelled up as big as his stupid fat empty head._

"_You are like a giant cock blocking robot developed in a secret fucking government lab."_

_Jayne had gone pretty quiet after that._

As Jayne lead them out of the town and sprinting into the woods that surrounding the southern quarter Simon was getting winded. The forest was dense, thick trees and vines obscuring their vision, and the sirens were still audible behind them.

Jayne was hacking away at the plant life, trying to find them a viable path, and Simon's eyes bugged out. "A machete? WHERE WERE YOU KEEPING THAT?"

Jayne didn't bother replying as he finally got them to a small game trail, both men avoiding the sharp thorns that pulled at their shirts. They finally burst through to a clearing that had a small cave hidden behind vines, and damned if Simon wasn't impressed that Jayne found it some quickly. The doctor's lungs were burning something fierce, his joints aching from the effort of keeping up with longer, faster legs than his own. He glanced over at Jayne; he hadn't even broken a sweat. Simon supposed that the runs Jayne liked to go on whenever they were on planet must pay off, but the relaxed look on his face deserved a punch.

He panted heavily. "I hate you right now."

Jayne rolled his eyes. "Yeah Doc, I ain't so fond o' you myself."

After examining their hiding place the mercenary slipped his small pack off his shoulders, pulling out a cigar and lighting it with a heavy zippo. "I'll get us set up in a minute, jus' wanna sit fer a sec."

The cave was long and curved so they were tucked around a corner, but the biting cold of the night was settling in quickly. Simon had seen a fallen log outside the cave, and ducked outside quickly, bringing the smaller logs of wood inside. He grabbed out an empty medical journal he always kept on him and took out a few pages, crumpling them and lighting the kindling under the wood. The flames burst to life, trickling onto the larger wood, the smoke travelling up through holes in the roof of the cave.

Jayne raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Where the hell'd ya learn how ta light a fire?"

Simon smiled to himself. "River."

Jayne was very quiet as Simon continued. "When we were young she used to have…a difficult time at home. So whenever it got too much for her she'd ask me to take her camping. We'd lie to our parents, say we had a school trip, and sneak off into the woods near our home for a night or two. She always got home feeling better, but the first few times we learnt pretty quickly that camping required certain skills."

Jayne was watching Simon the smoke that rose from his cigar, sitting very quietly as he continued. "She'd go swimming in the streams and climb whatever trees she could find, even when I told her not to. She was always…spirited."

Jayne thought about all the times he'd disappeared into the woods to escape for a while when he was younger, needing to feel free, unrestricted.

The happy memories that were dancing across Simon's face disappeared. "One day my father called the school; he found out about our little trips. He…he blamed her, said she was a bad influence on me, that she was holding me back by distracting me. That's when they found the Academy."

Guilt was lacing Simon's features as he spoke and Jayne suddenly realized this had been a wound for a long time. Thinking about River as a girl, climbing up trees and swimming and just needing to get back to nature...he shifted uncomfortably, reminded of far too much.

He kept his voice low. "That why you an' her are so close?"

Simon shook his head. "No, I'm not chained to her with guilt. We've always been close. I remember before River was born; parties, school, getting displayed like a show pony. When she came along…my parents never seemed to want to acknowledge anything but River's sale potential. But to me…she was perfect. She'd interrupt my study and concoct these grand adventures, or play pranks on all the society ladies my mother socialized with. I never had more fun than I did with her, and now that she's getting better it's like having my world shift back to normal. Being away from the Core, doctoring bullet wounds, getting shot at…none of that matters, not when I get to hear her laugh again."

Simon's face was lit up like a Persephone firework as he spoke about his sister, and Jayne felt that uncomfortable pang in his chest, some strange mix of guilt and shame and envy.

Simon looked at Jayne, remembering something. "Thank you, for before, in the alleyway."

Jayne shrugged. "It's m'job. How come you ain't never learned ta shoot?"

Simon sighed. "I became a doctor to heal, not kill people."

Jayne chuckled darkly. "Way I see it Doc there's a hell of a different 'tween defendin' yerself an' cold blooded murder. An' ya can't heal nobody iffen yer dead."

Simon regarded him carefully. "Could you show me sometime?"

At Jayne's look of surprise Simon continued quickly. "Just, I've never learnt, and you're right; I need to, even just so I'm not a burden to the crew. And you…well, you know about those things."

There was an odd note of jealousy to Simon's voice.

As Jayne pulled out a tightly rolled sleeping bag he nodded once. Simon pulled out his own sleeping bag, each choosing a spot on either side of the cave, and Jayne banked the fire carefully before crawling into his bag.

There was silence for few minutes before Simon spoke. "Jayne…what were your parents like growing up?"

His response took so long Simon thought he must have fallen asleep, but Jayne's gravelly rumble broke the quiet. "I dunno, fine I guess. Da left, Ma brought us up on her own. Ain't much ta say."

Simon sat up on one arm to look at him. "Jayne...who is Mattie?"

Jayne grunted once, rolling over away from Simon. The doctor stayed like that, staring after him for a moment before lying back and closing his eyes.

Eventually the only sound was the whistle of the wind, and the deafening silence of two people feigning sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**TITLE: **Jayne and Simon's Excellent Adventure

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine

* * *

_An old woman was standing in a field. The sun beat down on the sea of golden wheat, a spray of wildflowers hanging from her basket, haphazardly picked by small hands as a gift. She smiled, waving at him, piercing blue eyes so like his own filled with warmth and mirth. Suddenly the sky grew dark, the fields of gold were invaded by a thousand snarling madmen, the blue eyes filled with fear as she screamed at him to run, RUN._

_The blood spattered gold melted away, leaving behind a pair of haunting brown eyes. _

Jayne shot upright with a gasp. He was drenched in a cold sweat, freezing his skin in the air of the icy cave. The fire had gone out during the night, small shards of sunlight streaming in through the holes in the roof. Simon was stirring as Jayne rose, heading outside to relieve himself and find a somewhere to wash before the doctor could say 'Good morning'.

By the time Simon travelled outside Jayne had stripped and was washing himself in the icy water of a nearby stream, relieved at the shock of the cold liquid, waking him up and stripping away the remnants of his dream. Simon approached the water, dipping a hand in and flinching.

His voice was raw with sleep. "Aren't you cold?"

Jayne grunted. "Ain't ya ever washed in a cold stream 'afore? Better'n coffee ta wake ya up."

Simon chuckled. "No, Osiris is famous for its underground streams; even when River and I went camping we had access to warm water."

Jayne didn't say a word, desperately trying to shake the image of River wet and glistening in a pool of heated water. River wet and glistening in Serenity's shower. River wet and glistening while he…

Thank god the stream was cold.

Jayne cocked his head thoughtfully. "Well, try it out. Less'n yer a chicken."

He looked up in surprise when Simon stripped of his shirt and pants, cannonballing into the water and sending a huge spray into the air.

He broke the surface with a yelp. "_Aiya! __Da-shiang bao-tza shr duh lah doo-tze!_ You evil sonuvabitch!"

Jayne was laughing uproariously, falling back into the water as Simon struggled to swim back to the bank with his lungs closing up from the freezing cold.

Simon scrambled up the bank, shivering the entire way as he turned, looking for all the world like an angry, half drowned rat. "You are just the worst kind of person."

Jayne exited the water, his chuckles turning into laughter once again when Simon turned, blushing. "Could you please put your pants back on!"

Jayne pulled on his cargos. "What's the matter Doc, startin' ta think like Cameron?"

Simon sputtered, keeping his back turned and struggling to clear his mind of a very naked Jayne. "My god, that water was freezing…why…"

He stopped talking immediately before that train of thought could finish leaving the station, relieved when Jayne strode past him, clutching his t-shirt in one hand but thankfully wearing pants. He caught up with him as he moved back towards the cave.

Walking next to Jayne had always given Simon an uncomfortable sense of being far shorter than he really was. It wasn't just the height, but the broad shoulders and darkly tanned skin earned through physical labour tended to remind him that, despite all the medical accolades, he was still only 25; a boy walking next to a man in his prime.

He cleared his throat. "So, what's the plan?"

Jayne cocked a brow. "Thought you was the evil genius now?"

Simon shook his head. "I'm a little out of my element here."

Jayne nodded. "Fine; we get some grub, then sneak back inta town ta get ta their wave. Let Mal know what's goin' on."

Simon looked around the cave curiously. "What the _guay_ are we going to eat?"

Half an hour later, as Jayne expertly gutted another fish and set it on the heavy metal plate he'd brought in his pack, Simon wondered just how long the mercenary had spent in the wilderness before finding Serenity.

No matter, he thought, taking small bites of the surprisingly good meal.

At least he didn't stink anymore.

* * *

Zoe was sipping her tea in the galley when Mal entered. He paused, as he had so many other times, at the sight of his first mate heavily pregnant. Seven months, Simon had said, and the strange mix of still present grief and glowing anticipation was both beautiful and heartbreaking to see.

Seven months, meaning she was a month pregnant when he'd dragged them all through that hellish operation. She could've lost more than her husband that day, could have lost everything.

He knew she hated being restricted but also knew she wouldn't risk this last little piece of Wash for anything. He wished he had something to say, but the look she shot him reminded him that this was no ordinary woman, and words would have little importance for something of this magnitude.

Besides, when he'd told her once how guilty he'd felt she'd threatened to shoot him. He found the fact that she still called him 'Sir' scarier than the Mare's Leg she was weilding.

The meeting with Badger had gone surprisingly well, and Mal knew that had more than a little to do with the fact that it was River who had been standing beside him rather than Jayne or Zoe. The little businessman had a serious soft spot for the Reader, and her presence always made him more agreeable to giving Mal the choicest work.

Mal sat down heavily at the dining table. "Well we're gonna have ta let 'em know we'll be a few days late. Ain't like I didn't give 'em enough credits fer more than one night."

Zoe raised an eyebrow. "You trust Jayne not ta spend it all on booze the first night?"

Mal tapped his nose smugly. "Already thought o' that. Gave it to Simon."

Zoe stood uncomfortably as the baby decided to practice soccer against her bladder. She nodded once at Mal, wisely choosing not to voice her concerns at leaving Simon and Jayne together for any longer than absolutely necessary, especially if Simon had cash on him.

She wandered down the hall to the bridge, wanting to wave the boys as soon as possible. She stopped in the doorway at the sight before her. Kaylee was tucked in the co-pilots chair, arms wrapped around her legs as she stared at the barren Persephone docks. River was mirroring her position although the Reader's eyes were somewhere much farther away than Persephone, and Zoe stifled a sigh.

Both girls had been noticeably more withdrawn lately, a fact that wasn't helping Mal's already tense mood in the wake of Inara's departure. It wasn't hard to figure out what was wrong with Kaylee, she'd made her anger at the doctor more than apparent, but River…

River had been the one to creep into Zoe's bunk a few nights after they took off into the black once more, lighter by two very important passengers. It was River who had woken her, talking quietly to her stomach, promising to protect the contents. It had been River who turned haunting eyes filled with grief and knowledge to Zoe's tear streaked face, who had heard two different voices crying out their loss into the night, who had come to share the secret of Wash's last gift.

She leaned in the doorway for a moment. Something was going on with the ship's Reader, and Zoe couldn't shake the feeling it had something to do with a big man who was currently on Philia with the girl's brother. She watched them watching nothing, trying to think of something to say.

It came to her quickly. A secret of her own, told in confidence before a friend had departed, someone who was far better at this type of problem then Zoe.

She smiled to herself. Mal's wave could wait.

She needed to call in the big guns.

* * *

When they snuck back to the outskirts of town they were shocked to see how quickly the wanted posters had gone up. Simon stared at the drawings of them, the offer of 100 credits.

**WANTED, DEAD OR ALIVE**

_These men were last seen murdering two civilians who had stopped them to ask for directions. Please advise lawmakers if you see them._

_REWARD: 100 credits _

Jayne knew all too well just what a body would do for 100 credits on this kind of planet. He saw the pharmacy up ahead, pulling Simon quickly behind a wall when they saw lawmakers guarding the main street.

The doctor whispered angrily. "Asking for directions? And that drawing barely looked anything like me!"

Jayne held up a finger to his lips. "We're gonna need a distraction."

"_Sure, I got a secret, more'n one. Don't seem likely I'll be tellin' 'em to you, do it? Anyone off Dyton Colony knows better'n to talk to strangers."_

Jayne closed his eyes against the memory, ignoring Simon's curious expression when he opened them once more. "Give me yer pack."

Simon looked at him suspiciously. "Why?"

Jayne rolled his eyes, snatching the pack and reaching inside. "Cuz Mal always checks mine."

He pulled out two grenades with a grin, smirking at Simon's annoyed expression as the doctor hissed. "You hid those in my pack?"

Jayne nodded, returning the pack and glancing around. "Well it ain't like he ever checks yer stuff."

Simon looked ready to start yelling so Jayne quickly pulled the pin, lobbing it high over the street and buildings. He immediately pulled the other pin, throwing it just as far in the other direction.

The blasts were enough to shake the ground, and Jayne glanced around the corner to see lawmakers and civilians running in both directions to see what was going on. He gestured at Simon, who followed him in shock as he sprinted towards the now empty pharmacy.

Jayne located the wave, quickly flicking it on and loading a private account page that Mal had set up years ago. There was a pre-recorded wave waiting for them.

Mal's irritated face appeared on screen. _"…jus' cuz she's pregnant ain't no excuse not ta send my damn wave." _He became aware that the wave was recording, and addressed them as if he could see them.

"_Boys, Badger wants us ta do a run fer him, gonna pay well so we'll be late gettin' back ta ya. It'll take us 'bout six days or so. Now I know I left ya enough credits fer more than one night's stay, an' some food. Iffen ya need more I've given Simon the flash key ta our account. See ya later."_

Jayne turned and glared at Simon. "I'm guessin' that there flash key was in the wallet that ya so kindly let that whore take."

Simon gulped, nodding, relieved that the key required a passcode; he'd never hear the end of it if Mal's accounts were drained by a pickpocket.

Jayne grunted in frustration as he flipped on a new wave, about to hit record to let Mal know what was happening when shouts sounded behind them.

"Them's the fugees, get 'em!"

Jayne grabbed Simon's arm, pulling him through the back entrance as lawmakers swarmed the pharmacy. They pounded down the street, heavy footsteps following them as Jayne rounded a corner and grinned.

The mule wasn't new but the condition was good.

"Get in!"

Simon did as he was told, watching as Jayne quickly crossed over a few wires and set the mule humming to life. Simon took control of the wheel as Jayne turned, firing at the lawmakers who now had them in their sights. He sped off down the street as bullets whizzed past his head, relieved to see the wilderness approaching.

He took the mule higher to skim across the trees, pushing as hard and as fast as he could. Jayne turned, settling heavily in the seat and leaning against the back of the mule when the bullets stopped flying past.

"Jus' keep goin' doc, we don't know that they ain't followin'."

"You realize I have no idea where I'm going?"

"Well the options are ta go back ta the nice folks shootin' at us or keep goin' forward. Yer call genius."

Simon narrowed his eyes. "I didn't know you could hotwire a mule."

Jayne was smirking as he kipped into the passenger seat, pulling out a bottle of water and taking a long drink.

"Doc, I was gettin' inta trouble long 'afore I was gettin' paid fer it."


	5. Chapter 5

**TITLE: **Jayne and Simon's Excellent Adventure

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine

**A/N: **Man this story is fun to write!

* * *

They'd been driving for hours. It was well past lunchtime and they were still skimming across the tops of the forest trees as fast as they could go, putting as much distance between them and the town of Hapsfield. Simon was passed out in the backseat, Jayne having taken over the driving a while ago when the doctor's eyes started closing to half-mast.

Acres and acres and acres of forest land.

He knew it was coming, had been expecting it for a while, but that still didn't stop the groan of irritation when the fuel gauge hit empty, the mule whining in protest as he sought a landing position. A small clearing up ahead was barely visible, and as the mule began to drop he pushed hard, desperate to get them there before they smashed through the forest canopy.

He heard Simon wake with a yelp as he landed/crashed into the ground, the mule powering down almost immediately. "Why have we stopped?"

Jayne jumped over the side of the mule to scout the area. "Outta fuel."

Simon nodded, disembarking and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Jayne looked over their perimeter: good thick cover, no signs of hunting over the last few months, no paths leading in or out of the little clearing.

There was no stream but a pond nearby gave him somewhere to wash the grit and dust from his eyes, and Simon copied his actions. Jayne stood, watching the doctor's movements as he wiped his face. For the first time since Simon had first come on the boat Jayne studied him as a potential threat.

Slightly above average height, not particularly big but in good shape, lean rangy muscles. Dextrous, knowledge of anatomy, calm temperament exceptin' when his sister was involved. Jayne stroked his goatee for a moment before pulling off his pack and lighting the end of his cigar. Not an obvious opponent; a subtler threat than Jayne's brute strength and years of experience, but if the doc was quick, and had good aim, he could bring down someone Jayne's size.

He weren't jus' the ships doctor; he was River's brother. An' fer all o' his book smarts the boy didn't know a thing 'bout defending himself.

He puffed for a moment before cocking a brow, bending down next to Simon and holding out Betsy. "Right, Doc, this here's a modified LeMat percussion revolver. 'S different ta a normal hand gun cuz o' this here barrel on top; that there's a smoothbore, it'll fire out buckshot fer ya. Nice advantage in a fight."

Simon was watching Jayne curiously as the big man pointed out the features. "What are you doing?"

Jayne shrugged. "Said ya wanted ta learn, seems nows as good'a time as any. We got at least six days 'afore we gets picked up, an' I ain't travellin' with a greenhorn who ain't never ever hit a target."

Simon stared at him for a moment, and Jayne decided to take that as acquiescence. "Now, it's got a 9 shot cylinder, an' when that fails ya can switch ta the smoothbore by flippin' this here lever at the end o' the hammer."

It occurred to Simon that he'd never really listened when Jayne talked about firearms or fighting, and that maybe he should have. He'd never seen Jayne so at ease as when he was disassembling the weapon into its parts, pointing out the standard features of any weapon, and the modifications he'd made to this one. The increased calibre meant the smoothbore was actually a short barrel shot-gun, and Jayne had modified the .36 calibre of the old revolver to take .44 calibre rounds, meaning a higher damage level for any potential victim. The design was ancient, Jayne said, used back on earth-that-was during some War where people weren't polite, but the design was solid and had been copied out many times since.

Jayne started talking about targets; always go for the double tap, chest and head where possible. If that wasn't possible, go for whatever you could get.

Jayne pulled out a shotgun (Carmine) he had holstered at his thigh, taking Simon through the advantages over a full sized shot-gun; the sawn off allowed for greater manoeuvrability, making it more compact and far more powerful than a standard pistol. Problem was that Carmine tended to pull to the left a bit, and whilst she was great for close quarter fighting, the noise she made wasn't great for stealth. Again Jayne broke it down into its smaller parts, taking Simon through each piece and its use in the entire weapon.

Finally Jayne unstrapped Vera from his back. "Now this here's my girl Vera. These days she's a Callahan full-bore auto lock, but a long time ago she was just a Saiga-12. When I took her she'd been modified with a double cartridge, but the trigger was still sticky. I had ta widen the grip and increase her sensitivity; now she'll take off a man's head just by lookin' at him. She's a twelve gauge, an' ya can always recognise one o' these, even if it's been tampered with, cuz the lever safety on this side o' the reciever is bigger'n usual. Some o' them have their magazine's fixed so's ya need tools ta take it out, but I like mine detachable, makes fer quicker reloads."

Simon was in awe of the amount of information Jayne was running through. "Jayne, how do you know all this?"

Jayne shrugged. "How d'you know all the medical mumbo jumbo?"

Simon shook his head in exasperation. "I went to medical school! I did an internship! I trained for years and have to update my information constantly!"

Jayne was looking confused. "I gotta do that too, s'why I make sure ta get all my mags."

He stared at Simon for a moment before narrowing his eyes, his expression turning dark. He stood, moving away and towards the mule, rummaging for any tools left by its previous owner. Simon stared after him, unsure of what had just happened.

He stood tentatively. "Uh, Jayne?"

The taller man didn't bother turning around. "Iffen ya didn't wanna get learned on this _go se_ ya coulda said no. Just cuz I ain't got no schoolin' behind me don't mean I don't know it what I'm talkin' 'bout."

Simon shook his head, moving to stand beside Jayne. "Why would you think that's what I was saying?" There was a defensive anger in Jayne's eyes, and Simon sighed. "Jayne, my parents had decided I would be a doctor long before I could even walk! I've been trained and schooled and educated my entire life just to get this far. I was…I guess I was just impressed. If you didn't have to study these things how did you come across the knowledge?"

Jayne had turned at this point, leaning against the back of the mule, managing to look effortlessly imposing. "I like guns."

Somehow Simon knew Jayne wasn't likely to self-reflect any further than that.

Simon sighed. "Understood. Listen, I didn't mean to offend you; on Serenity I so often feel like a complete outsider. You and Zoe are the two most terrifying people I've ever met, and Mal was a Sergeant. Kaylee can work an engine better than any mechanic I've ever seen, and Wash and Book could both take up arms when necessary. Even Inara knows how to use a sword and a bow! And River…"

Both men for silent for a moment, unaware that they were seeing the same image in their minds. River Tam, blood soaked and glorious, barely winded as she stood over a pile of decimated Reavers.

Simon took a breath, continuing. "I've been completely out of my element for a year, I'm sick of being thought of as some Core dandy who doesn't know how to tie his own shoes."

He gestured back to where the firearms were still disassembled on the grass.

"Please, help me out."

Jayne gave him a long look. A year ago the doctor would never have bothered to give Jayne a second glance, and the merc would have happily rolled him for the mere suggestion of credits. The vests were gone, the hair was messy and the face unshaven. He'd changed.

Everything had changed.

Jayne nodded once, moving them back over to take Simon through the rounds required for his various weapons, reciting them from rote as his mind wandered.

_Mal had ordered Jayne be sedated when they arrived on the medical skyplex hours after the massacre on Mr Universes' moon. The signal was out, nobody could stop it, and the damage was already being done. His crew were being tended to, but every time a doctor tried to touch Jayne the merc would recoil, snarling and growling and threatening death._

_They'd just survived the most terrible journey of their lives, and were mourning the loss of many friends, two of them crew who were closer to family._

_They'd crawled out of the dark ooze of Miranda to look into a bleeding sky, and nobody was alright. Simon's stomach wound was serious, leaving his crew antsy as doctors they didn't know tried to treat them. When Mal had awoken he'd seen Jayne tearing up the waiting room, leg wound bleeding profusely, the big man looking pale and furious as doctors and nurses tried to calm him down. Mal was relieved that he hadn't been armed at the time._

_He couldn't let them come near, couldn't let the bastards that had created Reavers come any closer, couldn't allow them to touch him, treat him, change him._

_He flung a table into the wall, roaring when he felt a feather light touch against his shoulder. He turned, snarling, and suddenly felt his blood freeze. Those haunting brown eyes stared up at him patiently, and he felt his legs turn to water. He sunk down to his knees in front of her, small hand still resting its cool weight his shoulder, eyes holding him pinned in place as she ran her hand slowly up his neck and over his jaw._

_The ice followed her touch, cooling his anger and fear, cooling his temper._

_For a few seconds his vision narrowed completely and totally into those eyes. They weren't angry and smug; there was no admonishment for his previous violent rage. They held something intangible, something piercing bright and wrapped in shadow, and he couldn't bring himself to move, to look away as she brought up another hand to his face, running cool fingers along his jawline._

_He hadn't even felt the sting of the needle, his vision closing down until only the image of those haunting eyes had remained._

_When he woke up he was laid up in a hospital bed, his leg taken care of while he was unconscious. He turned to see the girl, now wearing a thin hospital gown, curled up in the chair beside his bed. Her hair was wet, as if she'd just showered, and her breathing was even. He'd never seen her look so peaceful, never seen that look of calm on her face before._

_He glanced down at his hand, realizing it had a smaller, paler one clutched in it._

_The nurse entered quietly, checking his vitals and clucking approvingly. She nodded at River._

"_She wouldn't be moved. We've managed to look her over, though only because her brother woke up. She wouldn't be touched without him present, and when we were done she came straight here."_

_She gave the indulgent smile of an elder witnessing something that wasn't really there. "Your wife is very dedicated, Mr Cobb."_

_The nurse had slipped out before he could correct her. He was exhausted, his eyes closing over, and he thought about moving his hand away from River's. She made the tiniest mewl in her sleep, eyes briefly screwing tight before her face relaxed once more, her mouth breathing out a word before she was silent again._

_He didn't let go of her hand as he drifted back to sleep, that whispered word echoing through his ears._

"_Jayne…"_

* * *

Kaylee turned as she heard Zoe calling her and River down to her bunk. She turned, her feet feeling like lead as she moved to where the first mate was beckoning. How Zoe kept getting up and down that ladder with a baby in her belly was anyone's guess, but Kaylee figured Zoe wasn't likely to be restricted unless she wanted to be.

River was there ahead of her, lowering herself down the ladder, and as Kaylee did the same she suddenly felt strange. She looked around the room. The large double bed was still there, Zoe having refused to exchange it for something more compact, and a little cot was visible in the corner. It occurred to Kaylee that nobody but Zoe had been down here since Miranda.

The air seemed scented with tears of grief and joy, and Kaylee struggled to control her watering eyes when she saw Wash's dinosaur collection on the headboard. On the bedside table was a heavy book on the Triassic period, and a Hawaiian shirt was slung over a nearby chair. Kaylee wouldn't be surprised if that was Zoe's nightshirt, and wanted to say something, anything to comfort the first mate.

Instead of tears of grief Zoe's face had an oddly peaceful look to it. Kaylee thought suddenly that maybe Zoe liked her bunk just this way, filled with reminders that Wash had existed, filled with all the memories they had created together. Zoe tilted her head to the far wall, and Kaylee squealed when she realized who was there on a pilfered wave screen.

"INARA! Oh I've missed ya so much! Mal's been horrible since ya left, what happened? Is the Trainin' House still there? What about the Companions Guild?"

Inara smiled as Kaylee babbled her way to Zoe's bed, perching herself on a corner while River was sitting cross legged in the middle. Zoe found herself a comfortable section, and Inara waved happily before her faced turned a strange mix of amusement and business manner.

"It's lovely to see you two. Zoe tells me you're having some troubles that I might be able to assist you with."

Kaylee flicked her eyes to Zoe, who was looking unabashedly amused by the situation. "Well…I dunno what Zoe's told ya, but me'n Simon've been fightin'."

Inara nodded. "What happened?"

Kaylee sighed. "Well I tried ta talk ta him 'bout where things were goin'; we've been sexin' fer months now! I wanted to know how he felt about me."

Inara rolled her eyes in a decidedly childish manner. "Kaylee a blind mole could see how Simon feels about you."

Kaylee huffed defensively. "Well he sure didn't make it sound like he thought I was anythin' important!"

Zoe interjected. "Kaylee, what was he doing at the time?"

Kaylee had the grace to look embarrassed. "Uh, pickin' bullet fragments outta Mal's leg. But I told him we could talk another time!"

River had tucked her legs up and was resting her chin on her knees. "Too focused, not thinking straight." She looked straight at Kaylee. "Timing is everything."

Kaylee shook her head. "I know but it was so hurtful! An' ever since I jus' don't wanna talk ta him…"

Inara's voice, previously warm with humour and kindness, now grew hard. "Kaywinnet Lee Frye; are you honestly telling me you tried to initiate a discussion like that while he was doing a medical procedure?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"And are you honestly telling me that since then you have deliberately avoided and ignored Simon?"

"Well, it ain't like-"

"And have you thought for two seconds that if you had waited until he could give you his full attention his answer would have been different?"

"'Nara ya don't under-"

"And do you think maybe you secretly like him chasing you around trying to talk to you because you are always so worried about being from the Rim whereas he's from the Core? And that maybe you like the fact that after chasing him for a year he's now the one doing the chasing?"

"…"

"Kaylee…"

"…maybe…"

"Then perhaps you could stop being angry at him just for the sake of your ego and remember how you would react if he tried to have such a serious conversation with you while you were tending to an engine problem."

"That's different, my girl-"

"KAYLEE!"

"Ok, fine…maybe you're right."

"Maybe?"

"…you're right."

Inara nodded decisively, and Kaylee felt a lightness in her chest that hadn't been there for a while. Inara was right; she'd spent so long chasing after Simon that part of her actually enjoyed him chasing her. And whilst that might be fun for her ego, it sure wasn't any way to conduct a relationship.

She sat back with a smile on her face as she thought about making it up to him.

Inara turned to River. "And you, _bao mei_? What is troubling you?"

River seemed to withdraw into herself shyly. "I've heard there are troubles of more than one kind; some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat, I'm all ready you see, now my troubles are going to have trouble with me…"

Zoe quirked a brow at Inara. "Is that the philosopher, some doctor from earth-that-was?"

Inara nodded, watching River closely. It wasn't a slide back into madness, Mal would never have allowed Simon off ship for so long if River's mind was still a problem. It was a defence mechanism, a fall back into the security of old patterns.

_She made her tea, watching the two seated in the galley. Jayne was at the table with his metal ladies, River curled on the couch with a huge tome balanced in her lap. Neither said a word, they weren't looking at one another, and to anyone else these were two crewmates who were going about their own business._

_To Inara…_

_There was a deliberateness to their silence, a carefulness to their refusal to glance at one another that spoke of extra caution. River glanced up at her, obviously catching a train of thought, and her lips twitched in the faintest, quickest ghost of a smile, a hint of a secret that disappeared just as quickly as it came. Something special._

_And that made Inara smile._

Kaylee was staring at River curiously and Inara turned to the mechanic. "Kaylee, would you mind excusing us for a while?"

Kaylee shot River another troubled look but obeyed, obtaining a promise from Inara to wave soon. When she had disappeared up the ladder the two older women both fixed their eyes on River, whose stillness seemed to scream hurt throughout the room louder than a shotgun blast.

Inara spoke first, eyes soft, her voice filled with understanding and care.

"How long?"

* * *

"Quit it! Ya can't get a spitzer inta a pistol; it's fer rifles only! Here, use the round nosed one."

"Why do they call it a full metal jacket?"

"Cuz the inside's soft, usually lead, and the outside is a harder metal, like steel. The lead pokes through the top, here. Like a jacket."

"Like you?"

"Keep jokin' Doc, it'll make it funnier when I pound yer ass inta the ground."

"Well why those rounds?"

"Cuz I like 'em; this spitzer has aluminium 'stead'a lead, means the centre o' gravity is at the rear so it yaws when it goes in. Makes a helluva mess, more'n a regular spitzer, but the end result is good."

"It is so very strange hearing you talk like this."

"I'ma take that as a com-ply-ment."

"Why have you got rifle rounds if you don't have a rifle with you?"

"…"

"Jayne?"

"Shaddup, I'm thinkin'."

Snigger.

"I'm warnin' ya doc."

"Oh well, since you put it so politely."

Four minutes later.

"Uncle, UNCLE!"

"Damn right ya pansy."

"Forgive me for advancing far enough on the evolutionary scale that I have skills other than violence."

"Whatever doc, don't be a sore loser."

Against his better judgement Simon was whole heartedly enjoying himself. Jayne was actually a decent teacher when he wanted to be, and Simon had been thrilled when he had finally hit the plastic target Jayne had constructed. They'd been going at it for about four hours, and though the sky was beginning to darker, neither was losing steam. Simon was enjoying learning a new skill, Jayne was enjoying being able to tell Simon something he didn't know.

Jayne's stomach gave a mighty growl, and he stood, pulling his hat out of his pack.

Simon tilted his head. "Where did you get that?"

Jayne shrugged. "Some drunk on New Melbourne; kept callin' me 'mate', wanted to show me his 'esky'. Figured a knockout would be smart, an' I kept this. S'called an Akubra."

Jayne flipped the hat over in his hand so it could serve as a makeshift basket. He moved to examine the wild flora of the area, keeping his hunting knife at hand in case he could find any game. "I'll be back in-"

"JAYNE!"

Simon pointed to the sky where the huge ship zipped through the air. The thick smoke it left, along with the bloodied bodies strapped to the front, gave them an idea as to the contents. Jayne snatched up the firearms and pulled Simon to his feet.

The doctor stopped him. "No, look, it's heading for the town."

Jayne shook his head. "Gotta go, they'll see the mule, gotta get outta here."

Simon gathered his things, shouting over his shoulder. "Why would they-"

He stopped dead as he saw the shuttle that landed heavily in the trees a few miles away, feeling the blood in his veins turn to ice. Fear clawed at his throat, and from the look in Jayne's eyes he wasn't the only one.

Jayne gritted his teeth, pulling out his machete and trying to find an easy path for them as he growled over his shoulder.

"Huntin' party."

**

* * *

**

**A/N: **For those wondering, an Akubra is an Aussie style hat. Was rewatching Safe and can't help but think that Jayne's hat wasn't exactly a cowboy hat, it looked more like one of ours. Since everything from earth-that-was has been reduced to Oriental and Western, I thought maybe a little Aussie had slipped in somewhere.

*Giggles*

Also, the trouble thing that River says belongs to the wise and wonderful Dr Seuss.


	6. Chapter 6

**TITLE: **Jayne and Simon's Excellent Adventure

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine

* * *

Simon felt his shirt rip as they fought their way through the undergrowth of the forest. In the distance he could hear the snarls and war cries of the hunting party, vicious sounds that set his feet pounding. Jayne was up ahead, working through the vines and thorns of the forest as fast as he could, breathing heavily as he took the machete to low slung branches and creepers.

He stopped, turning as a feral roar was heard, closer this time. He turned to Simon, anger and fear warring in his eyes.

"We gotta stop hackin'; it'll lead them right to us."

Simon nodded as Jayne looked around, desperately searching for another place to escape. The forest was too thick, their trail too easily followed, and he growled low in frustration. Simon glanced up as the sound of pounding feet and gnashing teeth sounded even closer behind them.

He grabbed Jayne's arm, pointing upwards silently, and the big man nodded. He leapt, hauling himself up a tree branch, reaching down a hand to pull Simon after him. The climbed as far as they could, the thick canopy providing some shelter from violent eyes.

Simon's heart was pounding so loudly in his chest he wondered if Jayne could hear it. He turned to the bigger man, who was poised with his LeMat in one hand, cursing Mal's name when he realized the sound would give away their location. He reached into his boot, pulling out several slim throwing blades.

The air had grown strangely silent and still, the horrible cries of their would-be attackers seeming to have died out.

Simon released a shuddering breath. "We can't stay up here fo-"

Jayne slapped a hand over his mouth, raising a finger to his lips and keeping his eyes on the ground below. Simon's eyes widened when he saw them; five or six maimed monsters stalked through the undergrowth. Simon watched as they studied the trail left behind, noses turning into the air and searching out whatever scents.

They were moving in a diamond pattern, as if the trail had formed a straight line and they were taking careful triangles out to either side. Simon looked at Jayne, who had already figured out just what the vile beasts were doing.

Hunting tactics, tracking patterns.

They had always known Reavers possessed some form of primal intelligence; they used weapons, rigged ships to fly without containment because they knew they would be faster than their prey, decorated their monstrous homes with previous victims in a display of dominance and threat.

Hunting patterns represented forward thinking, problem solving, communication. It was horrible and fascinating to behold, and Simon struggled to control his breathing as Jayne moved his hand away. The big man was flicking his eyes over the hunting party, looking for any and all possible measures of escape. The trees were thick enough to conceal them from view, but two sweating males who reeked of fear weren't likely to stay hidden forever. He hadn't brought any projectiles other than the throwing knives, hadn't thought a crossbow would be necessary for a routine client meeting. He had two grenades left, but wouldn't be able to get enough leverage to throw them without alerting the Reavers to their presence.

He had enough rounds to take them down, but any missed shot would just alert more Reavers, and the advantage of an uphill battle wouldn't last when faced with creatures so violent they didn't care about living or dying, only the pain they could cause. Still, he thought, at least he had enough for Simon and himself.

He ignored the sharp pain in his gut when he thought of things that were never said, of brown eyes filled with hurt.

The largest Reaver was examining a something on the floor of the forest, picking it up and sniffing it, uncaring when his fellow hunters snatched it and repeated the action. Jayne suddenly felt pissed; that was _his_ gorram hat! They were snarling and hissing and growling over his hat, and damned if it didn't make him angry.

He liked that hat.

Suddenly the Reavers head's snapped up simultaneously, as if hearing something in the distance. As one they bolted west, thundering through the undergrowth to whatever they had picked up on. Simon and Jayne both breathed a sigh of relief when they were left in the quiet once more. Jayne glanced down, his eyes lighting up when he saw what they'd dropped.

Simon grinned as Jayne swung down and swiped his hat off the ground, perching it on his head. The doctor climbed down carefully, eyes dancing with relief.

"My god, I thought we were Reaver meat for sure!"

Jayne nodded. "Good thing they ain't smart enough ta-"

His voice died in his throat as he realized what had just happened. The air had the smell of rancid meat and dried blood. The silence of the forest was not filled with bird calls and the rustling of small animals. It was the kind of deafening, deadly silence that roared louder than a thousand screams, echoing through the air and sending terror down your spine.

Hunting party.

Tracking patterns.

Communication.

The Reavers were back, and they'd brought their friends with them.

He turned in a slow circle as the monsters rose slowly from their hiding places, a perfect circle around the prey they had just trapped, at least thirty of the things all staring at them. Simon gulped, wondering just how fast his heart could race before it gave out, wondering if that wasn't a better way to end this.

Jayne's eyes were filled with fear and he seemed frozen in place. For a second Simon remembered the bigger man's terror of Reavers, remembered the way he would drag himself into the infirmary after Miranda, begging Simon for something, anything to give him sleep that wasn't laced with nightmares and blood.

Simon was unarmed, untrained, and his only hope for survival was frozen solid.

The wet snarls and bloodied eyes were filled with vicious glee, the leader licking his lips.

Jayne readied his hands at his weapons, Simon saw him skim a hand over his back pocket once more, and the previous terror on his face disappeared. In its wake was a violent rage unlike anything Simon had seen before, and his frightened face melted into a slow, nasty smirk.

"Show time."

* * *

_The nightmare was always the same. The blast doors, the screams, the sounds of snarls and battle echoing through his ears like nothing he'd ever heard before. Finally the snarls were joined by piercing, agonisingly human cries of pain, shattering his ears drums in the night._

_He knew what was coming next, knew those doors would open, knew that instead of a blood spattered angel standing over her bounty there would be only a torn, broken body and a swarm of bloodthirsty madmen._

_He gasped awake, hunting knife flipping through the darkness. His heart pounded as the dream still echoed in his ears, but this time he'd been awoken before he could see the terrible results, this time something had stopped the horrifying ramifications of his inaction._

_His eyes adjusted quickly to the dark of his bunk, making out the figure at the end of his bed. She'd obviously ducked out of the way of his blade, and now she stood there. Her black sleeping tank and purple silk shorts clung to her lean frame, hair curling darkly over thin shoulders. Her eyes, those same eyes that had controlled him after Miranda, those same eyes that he'd fallen asleep dreaming of, were luminous in the darkness of his bunk._

_He didn't move, just stared as she moved onto the bed, settling her slim thighs over his hips. She ran one hand only his cheek, that same icy touch that had saved him in the hospital, those same hands that had held the barbaric weapons that saved them that day. She removed her hands, slipping them behind her neck, removing the tiny pendant and its thin chain._

_She pulled up a big paw in her smaller one, placing her gift inside. Her eyes were ancient and all seeing, patient and filled with protective anger. That voice was the quietest, most haunting whisper he'd ever heard._

_A promise._

"_She'll keep you safe."_

_He opened his hand, looking at the tiny silver ballet slippers on the pendant. _

_When he looked back up she gave him a shy smile. He couldn't stop his hand anymore than he could stop breathing, bringing it up the curve of her back, tangling it in hair, pulling her face to his in the dark quiet of his bunk. When he felt the first touch of cool lips and warm breath the dream was erased, slipping back into nothingness in the wake of their passion._

_Much, much later he found the necklace between his sheets._

_He'd kept it ever since._

* * *

The first war cry of an approaching Reaver terrified Simon, but Jayne matched it with one of his own, and the doctor was suddenly of the impression that something dark and dangerous had been woken in the mercenary. Jayne grabbed the shaft of the thrown spear, spinning it and flipping it back at its owner, pinning the snarling body to a tree and pumping a round into its heart and head. He pulled out Carmine, the sawn off screaming death into the air as he fired. With his other hand he threw Simon the LeMat, not taking his eyes of the swarming monsters.

The Reavers aimed for Jayne, recognising the greater threat, and Simon suddenly realized that this is what River had felt; terror, fear, anixiety.

She'd fought anyway.

He spun, firing off a shot into one Reaver's chest and then head, blasting away part of the mutilated face, grey matter flying. He dodged a sword and pulled off two more shots, felling the monsters around him. Clicking back the lever he pumped buckshot into the chest of another approaching mad man, wincing when the bastard got a bite in before being blasted to hell.

Jayne threw one Reaver over his head, diving to avoid another as he emptied Carmine. He knocked the butt into the head of another as he swung Vera across to his chest, the semi-automatic destroying its targets, reducing them to oblivion.

They lacked River's finesse and grace, but somehow they managed to work as a team, spinning and defending and slowly but surely reducing the Reavers to nothingness. When the LeMat ran out of ammunition Jayne heard the click, tossing Vera to Simon and pulling out his machete. Simon felled his last foe, turning to grin at Jayne when he realized the big man was floundering with five Reavers on top of him.

Simon called out at the Reavers, relief and terror humming through his veins when they turned, and his distraction allowed Jayne to fire. The last Reaver dove at Simon, who fell back to avoid the attack, Vera falling to the ground. Simon saw the end when suddenly a blast ran through the air, painting Simon's shirt in gore as the diving Reaver met its end. By the time they were finished the ground was littered with bodies and gore, both men's clothing ripped and torn, breathing heavily.

Alive.

Simon panted as he looked around them, and when Jayne reached out a hand to him he took it without hesitation, allowing the big man to pull him upright.

Jayne looked around at the carnage they had created, pulling out a cigar and taking a slow puff. Simon's arm was bleeding from its bite, one hand darkly bruised from a punch. Jayne had faced far more than Simon; one eye was swollen shut, a cheekbone probably shattered. He was favouring his right hand side, his left leg torn and bloodied, a dislocated shoulder making his arm hang at an odd angle, and he was clutching his ribcage protectively with his uninjured arm.

He shot Simon a grin.

"Pretty ruttin' good time 'ey Doc?"


	7. Chapter 7

**TITLE: **Jayne and Simon's Excellent Adventure

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine

* * *

Many miles away the Reavers were probably still laying waste to the town of Hapsfield, and Simon briefly wondered if Cameron had gotten out alive. The reality was that Hapsfield was just a stop-over point, the only draw for Cameron being the club he owned, so Simon hoped he'd found his way out of the town turned hell hole.

The sky had darkened hours ago, night creeping over them as they braved the woods once more, the previously warm air chilling their sweat and blood soaked bodies.

They'd been heading back through the forest to find the hunting party shuttle, hoping for fuel to power the mule with back at the clearing. When they saw the empty vessel up ahead Jayne's lip curled, and he held Vera close. The shoulder he'd dislocated during the fight had been popped back in with a grimace, and was now providing a light throb against Vera's shaft. They scouted the perimeter, listening carefully for any indication of life inside, and it took Jayne half an hour before he was satisfied.

He nodded once, and Simon warily poked his head inside. It was slightly larger than Inara's shuttle, obviously kept for the sole purpose of land based raids, and the inside was littered with human remains. Furniture had been overturned, piles of weapons littered the corners, and the entire place stank of death and bodily fluids. One look at the containment unit told them the shuttle would be useless for travel, and they didn't think they could stand being inside for so long.

Simon covered his nose against the stench. They'd had hunting parties, they could form traps, so they had to think ahead somewhat. He heard Jayne enter behind him, the big man swearing under his breath at the foul stench that hit his nostrils. In the far corner Simon spotted some canisters, and he gestured for Jayne.

They approached carefully, wary of booby traps, but when Jayne flicked the cap off one canister the scent of fuel hit his nostrils, a welcome sting against the foulness inside the shuttle. He nodded, grabbing three heavy canisters as Simon took two. The doctor saw something in another corner, hidden amongst the debris, and grinned to himself as he snatched up the bottle.

There must be a god, because the whisky seal was intact.

He ignored the bloodstains, pleased with his prize.

By the time they had reached the clearing once more they were exhausted. Simon glanced over at Jayne, the big man pouring fuel into the engine of the mule with a grimace of pain as he strained his ribs. The doctor in Simon took over, and his voice turned authoritative.

"Put that down."

Jayne looked up in surprise. "We gotta get outta here."

Simon shook his head. "Not without treating those wounds first. You're no good to me like this, you need to be treated and you need to rest."

Neither had eaten since the fish they'd had the morning before, and a man of Jayne's physique needed plenty of fuel itself. The big man looked ready to argue but Simon's eyes were hard as he shook his head.

"Expert on weapons you may be, but I know medicine. Those bites will get infected, your ribs will puncture lung if you're not careful, and we'll both be delirious from the pain before we even get close to the next town."

A stab of pain in Jayne's chest told him the doctor was probably right. He nodded, putting down the half empty canister as Simon set a fire in the middle of the clearing. Jayne knew he needed to eat, knew he wasn't going to last long without some energy, and he went to look around. The thick canopy of the forest was restricting any moonlight, and he had to rely on his hearing to find anything.

It took him a while, but find something he did. A small thatch of eggs and a group of wild mushrooms. He grimaced, wishing he had some meat to add to the mix, even just for the fat, but knew he couldn't exactly be choosy.

By the time he arrived back at camp Simon's fire was roaring away nicely, the doctor having pulled the steel pot from Jayne's pack, as well as his travel med kit. The bite mark on his arm had been disinfected and wrapped, and he'd used Jayne's hat to take some of the icy pond water, soaking his bruised hand in there while he worked. He'd done some searching himself, a small pile of roots and leaves visible next to his kit. And…Jayne peered at the contents of the small bag.

Noodles.

He nearly whooped for joy at the sight of the dehydrated carbohydrates, relieved as Simon filled the pot from the small pond, boiling the water before he put anything into it. Fresh water would be better, but the Reaver shuttle had shown none, and the small supply they had would be needed. The pond was fed by a small underground spring, and Simon just hoped that boiling would be enough to negate the impact of any bacteria.

They were silent as they made their meal, poaching the eggs into the boiled noodles, simmering the mushrooms on the flat dish. The meal wasn't particularly flavoursome, but for two hungry men who had spent the day running, fighting and hauling heavy canisters through the forest it tasted like the finest dish in the 'verse.

They devoured the meal in minutes, and when they'd finished Simon put another pot of water on to boil, turning to Jayne.

"We need to set your ribs."

Jayne nodded and stripped his shirt, revealing ugly bite marks and a dark bruising across his ribcage. Simon didn't bother apologising as he pushed them into place, strapping them as quickly as he could while Jayne bit down hard on the brim of his hat. The grunt of pain was somewhat muffled, and Simon sat back.

"It'll hold, for now."

He turned to Jayne's damaged leg, peeling away the torn pieces of pant to get to what turned out to be a fearsome knife wound. The blood had gummed part of the material to the wound, and Simon soaked them with some warm water to ease the pain as he pulled them away. How the big man had managed to get through the forest so broken up was anybody's guess, and Simon was more than a little impressed. He pulled out the pilfered bottle of whisky, offering Jayne a hearty swig before pouring some onto the wound.

"ARRRGH!"

"Well you knew it would hurt."

"_Gorram_ ruttin' sonuvabitch piece a _go se-_AAARGGH! Quit doin' that!"

"Don't be a baby, I've got to sew it shut."

"Gimme some more whisky."

Simon sighed but handed the bottle over as he quickly sutured the wound. Into the pot of boiling water he dropped a bunch of yellow flowers that he'd beaten out. He soaked them in the liquid for a few minutes, pulling them out with chopsticks to let them cool on a nearby flat stone.

Jayne raised an eyebrow. "Ya gonna make me a crown, Doc?"

Simon shook his head. "It's arnica; it'll help with that eye."

Jayne took another swig of whisky, passing the bottle over to Simon, who took a long chug of his own.

"Don't think yer meant ta practice no medicatin' when yer under the in-floo-ence Doc."

"Don't think I'm meant to be running from Reavers on a simple job run, merc, but here we are."

Jayne grew silent. Simon checked the cooling arnica pulp, placing it carefully over Jayne's swollen eye and cheek bone. The big man was leaning forward, elbows to his knees as he stared at the fire. Simon studied him for a moment, and realized he'd never seen Jayne look this lost before. He didn't say a word, just waited.

Jayne's voice was hoarse and quiet. "Mattie's my Grandma. She had damplung, had it since I were a boy. When Da left…Ma was left wit' seven young'uns an' nowhere ta go. House got taken, farm got taken, we was on the street. Mattie took us in, gave us a home, found Ma a place ta work while we was in school. She had Ma young, only sixteen, an' Da had Ma knocked up by the time she was fifteen. We didn't have nuthin', Da had left Ma with a shattered cheekbone an' an army o' rugrats. Mattie knew the townsfolk, knew they weren't gonna help no unmarried woman wit' a whole passel o' boys. She taught us how ta hunt, how ta track. She helped Ma out. She was…Mattie. One day the wave came through, said Zephyr wouldn' be gettin' no more medicine. Soon as I turned fifteen I left the planet, told er I'd take care o' her."

Simon sat back on his haunches as Jayne took a swig from the half empty bottle. "Soon's I turned fifteen I took to the Black. They needed credits, an' Ma couldn't do it on her own no more. Weren' no work fer me, not since I got in a fight wit' the town magistrate's son, an' I was the oldest. Damn near broke Ma's heart. Never told her what I do, don't think she'd like it iffen she knew I killed folks fer a livin'."

He went quiet, staring at the flickering flames. "Been sendin' 'em credits ever since. Things was ok, they was gettin' by jus' fine. After..after Miranda Ma told me she was proud o' what we'd done, what I'd done. Said we was heroes, said we was helpin' the 'verse be a safer place. Then…"

Deep breath.

"Then Zephyr got hit. Was 'bout four months after we left Miranda. The warships still work the Outer Rim, an' Zephyr got hit. My brothers ran home, found Ma. They got her out, but Mattie was workin' the fields. She…she liked pickin' flowers. Didn't have a chance."

Simon stared. Jayne wasn't just talking about a past hurt; he was talking about something that only happened a few months ago. He tried desperately to think of something to say, but the rawness in Jayne's voice and the dark pain in his eyes said there would be no point.

Something else was there, some connected hurt was lying in Jayne's eyes, and Simon wanted to know what it was.

Jayne shook himself out of his reverie. "Anyways, 'nough 'bout that. What'd ya do ta piss off Kaylee so bad?"

Simon knew that Jayne wouldn't say anything more about it unless he wanted to, so he sighed deeply, running his hands over his face.

"She asked me where our relationship was going…"

"Whooo boy, that ain't good."

"…while I was picking bullet fragments out of Mal's legs."

Jayne stared for a moment before letting out a bark of laughter. "That why you was so pissy that day? No wonder…"

Simon nodded miserably and Jayne gave him a careful look from the corner of his eyes. "Well, where's yer relationship goin'?"

Simon looked up in surprise. "Why do you care?"

Jayne shrugged. "I don't, not really, but her bein' happy 'ffects the whole ship, an' we ain't got nuthin' else ta talk 'bout."

Simon sighed. "I want to marry her. I want her to be my wife and to make her smile and share a bed and a life and children and…you think I'm an idiot."

Jayne chuckled. "Nah Doc, jus' ain't my cup o' tea. Iffen that's what ya want why didn't ya say that?"

Simon glared. "Because you charged in like a _fei fei pi go_ and she hasn't spoken to me since!"

"Yeah yeah Doc, keep blamin' me, s'worked real well so far."

Simon was feeling the heat of the alcohol, and instead of getting angry at Jayne he just chuckled. "You're probably right you know. Sometimes I feel like she actually enjoys taking what I say the wrong way."

Jayne didn't look at him as he passed over the alcohol, but his humourless snicker ran through the clearing.

"What?"

"What what?"

"You laughed."

"No I didn'."

"Yes you did, you laughed!"

"Nu-uh."

"Yu-uh."

"Nu-uh."

"Yu-uh."

"Nu-uh."

"Yu-uh."

"Nu-uh."

"Yu-uh."

"Ok fine! Maybe I laughed."

Simon rolled his eyes. "Why did you laugh?"

Jayne lay back to stare at the stars. "Cuz yer surprised. Kaylee's from the Rim, an' since the day ya stepped on the boat she's liked ya, even when yer sorry ass was usin' her stomach wound as a barterin' chip."

Simon groaned but Jayne cut him off. "Ain't sayin' I don't understand it – ya wanted yer sister safe. Ya didn't know Kaylee from Adam, so I get it. Don't mean I like it."

Simon lay back as well, looking up to the night sky as Jayne continued. "Kaylee ain't from no Core world, she's from the Rim, an' everythin' 'bout you screams Core. Ya spent so long lookin' after Ri- lookin' after yer sister that ya couldn' do much else. Maybe she jus' likes yer attention bein' on her fer a change, maybe she likes ya doin' the chasin' fer once."

Simon rolled onto his stomach to look at Jayne. "You're saying that by chasing after her I'm showing her that I don't care where she's from, that I really want her?"

Jayne chuckled. "Not in them girly ass words or nuthin', but yeah, I guess. Whatever."

Simon laid back again. "You don't understand. I love her, everything about her. Where she comes from is important; it's shaped who she is today. She's easily the most beautiful woman in the 'verse, she's the kindest soul I've ever met, and every time she enters a room I'm left speechless. I'm fine normally, but even after all this time I get tongue tied and I don't know what I'm doing."

Jayne's voice was very quiet. "I get it."

Simon sat up to take another swig of whiskey. "Have you ever been in love Jayne?"

The big man's eyes closed for a moment. "Sure, long time ago."

Simon cocked his head. "What happened?"

Jayne shrugged. "Ain't one ta be chained ta anybody, any place. She wanted more, I didn't."

Simon had the distinct sensation that he was missing something. Jayne's breathing was too deliberate, his voice too calm. The way Jayne was talking made it sound like this had happened a very long time ago, but Simon had the strangest feeling that it wasn't very long ago at all.

"Jayne, who was she?"

The mercenary winced as he sat up and pulled his ribs. "Doc, iffen we talk anymore 'bout this girly _go se_ I'm worried our monthlies'll sync up. We got a big day tomorrow, I'm goin' ta sleep."

Simon watched him stand awkwardly, banking the fire and climbing into the backseat of the mule. The doctor sat there for a moment, watching the flames, and suddenly a glimmer caught his eyes. He moved to where Jayne had been lying, picking up the thin chain and its tiny pendant that had fallen out of the mercenary's back pocket.

Simon stared at the trinket. He remembered this.

He would always remember this.

_A marketplace in Osiris, twelve year old River wandering up ahead as Simon watched. Her eyes lit up when she saw it, turning to him with a hopeful grin._

"_Please Simon, it's so beautiful!"_

"_No mei mei, you've got enough jewellery."_

_A sad face as they walked home._

_Two days later she turned thirteen, and Simon snuck into her room at midnight. He knew she would be awake, hiding under the covers and reading through one of the old tomes of fairy tales that Father refused to let them read, saying it was all nonsense. Piles of texts were hidden under her bed, he knew, quantum physics and anatomy and mathematics and ancient stories._

_He crawled into bed beside her, her happy giggle as he slid under the covers making him feel much younger than his twenty years. His looked at what she was reading._

"_Beauty and the Beast?"_

_She nodded, her radiant smile of anticipation glowing brighter than the torch in her hand. He smiled as he handed over the tiny wrapped package._

"_Happy Birthday mei mei."_

_He hadn't thought it strange that she hadn't seemed surprised by the contents, focusing only on her gasp of delight when she found the pretty necklace with the tiny silver ballet slippers. She hugged him, slamming him back into the mattress with a laugh, kissing his cheek before sitting up and donning her prize._

"_Oh, thank you gei gei, it's beautiful!"_

_He stroked her hair for a moment before pulling up the book she was reading. She curled into his chest as he spoke, her birthday present glittering around her slim throat, smiling as Simon told the tale._

_He'd slipped out before their Father woke, knowing he would be reprimanded for indulging such a silly pastime. He'd grinned for the rest of the day, and whenever their parents yelled and reprimanded her for advancing too far, for distracting her brother, River would play with the silver necklace, and their words couldn't touch her._

_She'd told him once, just before she went into the Academy, that it would keep her safe. Three years later, when he'd finally gotten her out, he had to pack and leave quickly. He'd managed to salvage a book of fairy tales, a pair of beaten ballet slippers, and silver necklace._

_To keep her safe._

Simon slipped the necklace into his pocket, turning dark eyes to the fire with a solemn expression on his face.


	8. Chapter 8

**TITLE: **Jayne and Simon's Excellent Adventure

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine

* * *

_The emptiness in his chest felt like a chunk of his heart had been torn out. He shut off the wave quietly, relieved that nobody was awake to see him like this. She was gone. Not just gone; she would have suffered, she was another one of those mutilated bodies, being worn around like some horrific cloak by a Reaver._

_Mattie._

_Ma de, he couldn't do this._

_For the first time since he was three years old a single tear slipped down Jayne's cheek._

_The footsteps were silent but her smell filled the bridge, cool body warm with sleep, clean skin. He didn't turn as she moved in front of him, standing before him and placing hands on either side of his face. When he looked up her brown eyes were filled with tears, cheeks stained with pain as she placed a feather light kiss on his forehead._

_He pulled her to him, pressing his face into her taut stomach and wrapping his arms around her slim waist, breathing in her scent like a lifeline. She made soothing sounds as she ran her hands over his head, his neck, his back, and for a brief moment there was peace._

_Her whispered words of peace suddenly reached his grief muffled brain. "Always keep you safe, keep you loved."_

_Loved._

_Images came._

_Mattie._

_Reavers._

_Blood._

_Gore._

_Violation._

_Another battlefield, one she couldn't win._

_Home._

_Redemption._

_Everything stripped away until all that was left was pain and emptiness._

_Another loss._

_Another heart to lose._

_Chains, wrapping around him, tying his emotions in place._

_He couldn't do this._

_He let go abruptly, standing quickly as his movements made her stumble._

_Her eyes were wide with horror at whatever images she'd caught in his mind, and for a second the tugging in his chest almost outweighed the emptiness, the urge to kiss her, apologise, explain himself growing. He needed her, wanted to fall into her, seek the comfort of her arms._

_He was Jayne Cobb._

_He didn't need anyone._

_He sneered. "Best be gettin' ta bed girly."_

_Tears were working their way down her cheeks as she saw his plans. "No, don't disappear, don't fade away."_

_He shook his head. "No idea what yer talkin' 'bout girl, jus' lettin' go o' dead weight."_

_She clutched his arm in her thin, bony hand. "No, please, wait. Don't throw us away, don't leave us in the dust."_

_He pulled his arm away, gripping her own tightly enough to bruise, and lowering himself to stare into those brown eyes._

_His voice was harsh, mocking. "Don't tell me ya didn' see this comin' girl; ya knew what ya was getting' inta bed with."_

_Brought her face close, planting a quick, bruising kiss filled with contempt to her sorrow parted lips. _

"_Ya ain't nuthin' more'n an easy lay, an' I'm tired o' ya."_

_She tried to place a trembling hand on his cheek, flinching when he growled at the attempted contact. He pushed her backwards, lean body hitting the dash again with more force than before. _

"_Don't touch me."_

_He turned, striding back to his bunk, relieved to feel those chains dropping away, that potential agony disappearing. He ignored the tiny voice inside his head that told him there was no coming back from this, no way to fix this after he'd made this decision._

_Good._

_The hatch to his bunk slammed shut, leaving only a small, pale figure on the bridge. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she felt his pain, his anger, his heartache. Her hands trembled violently as they skimmed down her stomach, barely a whisper over her still taut abdomen._

_Serenity felt the exquisite anguish of her barely audible whisper, chilling the metal home to the core._

"_Don't leave us." _

* * *

The trip from Persephone to Gall had been quick, the job completed faster than Mal had thought it would be. The tightness in his neck still remained despite their healthy pay packet, and he knew he needed to get his temper under control.

He had to trust her.

He was anxious to get back to Persephone. Jayne and Simon hadn't replied to his wave, and he was starting to get worried. The sooner they could land this stuff for Badger the sooner they could pick up the rest of their crew.

Besides, being the only male on the ship was starting to get a little uncomfortable.

Not that he didn't need his female crew mates something fierce, and not that he didn't feel strong affection for all of them. But Zoe was deep into pregnancy and tended to be a little withdrawn lately, and Kaylee kept asking Zoe's opinion on 'Welcome Back Simon' lingerie in the galley, which gave Mal the creeps something shocking.

And then there was River.

Before he could reflect on the strange behaviour of the Reader lately he heard his first mate's voice over the comm. _"Sir, you need to get up here right now."_

The urgency in her voice made his trip to the bridge fast, and he stopped when he saw Cameron's face on the wave. The usual snarky expression was gone, leaving in its place only concern, and Mal ran one hand over his face in irritation.

"What the hell did my boys do now?"

There was no amusement in Cameron's icy eyes. "Captain, after our meeting your boys disappeared into the night. By morning there was a warrant out for their arrest and a whole lot of lawmen looking to make a catch."

Mal groaned. "So they're in lock up?"

Cameron shook his head, speaking quickly. "No, they were last sighted the two days ago, they'd snuck into the pharmacy. Managed to set off a few explosions and get out of there before I could help them. And-"

"Cameron those two idiots will find a way to-"

"Mal, listen; Hapsfield got hit by Reavers. Hours after your boys were spotted the ship came in and tore the town apart. There's no survivors, my crew and I just managed to get out, and nobody has seen hide nor hair of your boys since."

Mal's blood froze. He knew Jayne, the man's fear of Reavers was no secret, and he was the best tracker money could buy. But with any kind of weapon Simon was barely even a rookie, and their mutual animosity didn't seem to bode well for their survival.

Cameron was still talking. "Word is the Reavers are moving to other towns, but we haven't heard a thing about it."

Zoe's voice cut through Mal's shock. "What's the best reinforced town on that rock?"

Cameron thought for a second. "Grafton, but it's on the other side of the planet."

Before Mal could respond a pale blur flew past him to the screen. River was slamming coordinates into the ship so fast Mal could barely make out her fingers flying over the dashboard. He knew what she was doing, knew she'd be programming in coordinates for Grafton. He didn't bother arguing, he knew they had to get their boys out of there if possible. Cameron raised an eyebrow, relieved to have something to distract him.

"Who's this little thing?"

Mal gestured at River. "Simon's sister. She's a little…different."

Zoe was watching River's frantic movements. "She doesn't take kindly to crew in trouble."

Cameron studied River for a moment before flicking his eyes to Zoe. "Mayhaps it isn't just her brother she's worried about?"

Mal scoffed. "Don't even joke, Cameron. They'd kill each other."

The blonde man nodded, watching River's face, hidden from Mal's view, as a single tear slipped down her cheek.

"Get there quick Mal, I don't know if they're even still alive, but if they are they're in a whole lotta trouble."

Mal nodded as the wave turned blank, Zoe slamming her hand into the comm. _"Kaylee, we're going to need you to squeeze as much speed out of her as possible."_

The mechanic's worried voice sounded from the engine room comm. _"Why, we bein' chased?"_

"_No, just gotta go pick up our property soon as we can."_

Zoe turned to Mal, speaking under her breath though she knew River would still hear her. "Sir, we're almost two days out of Philia."

Mal nodded. "I know, but iffen there's anythin' left o' those two ta find, we're gonna find it."

Because he wasn't losing another one.

* * *

Jayne woke before Simon, dreams of wet tears and wetter blood still racing through his head. Every muscle ached as he sat up in the back of the mule, cracking his neck and testing his ribs with a low hiss of pain. His leg was throbbing something fierce, but at least he could see out of both eyes now.

Simon was sprawled in the front seat, stirring when Jayne hopped of the mule to wash his face. As before the doctor copied his actions, silent in the wake of the cold morning and colder thoughts. As they loaded the mule without speaking neither man was willing to admit the topic of their thoughts was entirely too similar.

Simon climbed into the driver's seat, looking around for his water bottle. He saw it, accidently bumping the glove box open as he reached for the bottle. Inside was a folded piece of paper, and when he pulled it out he burst out in slightly hysterical laughter.

Jayne grunted as he poured more fuel from the canisters. "Whatcha laughin' 'bout?"

Simon handed him over the piece of paper. Jayne looked down; a map. They'd had a gorram map this whole time.

He was too tired to get angry at either of them. He handed it back to Simon. "Looks like Grafton's the biggest town on this rock; reckon that's where we need ta head."

Simon nodded. "What about our warrants?"

Jayne shrugged as he gave the area one last look over and climbed into the mule. "Jus' gotta get somewhere with a wave, Doc. We'll work out the rest later."

Simon nodded, starting up the mule and flying off into the morning sky.


	9. Chapter 9

**TITLE: **Jayne and Simon's Excellent Adventure

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine

* * *

They'd switched over the driving a few times, and the midday sun was started to burn Jayne's neck by the time they spotted a town up ahead. Both men breathed a sigh of relief when it wasn't a flaming mass of Reaver-caused destruction.

Simon had been silent throughout the drive, and Jayne had an uneasy feeling that the doctor wasn't particularly pleased with him. He shrugged it off as they disembarked the mule, relieved to see no wanted posters around them. A sign at the town's entrance proclaimed its name: Ranscog.

Jayne caught sight of a bar up ahead. "Don't know 'bout you Doc but a cold one sounds pretty ruttin' good right about now."

Simon looked down at his tattered, bloody clothing. Jayne was in even worse shape, his pants leg torn and t-shirt covered in blood and gore. Nonetheless he couldn't argue that a cold drink and a hot meal sounded like heaven at the moment, coming second only to a shower.

They entered the bar, aware that their appearance was the reason for the curious eyes that fixed on them. Jayne flexed his arms, glaring threateningly at anyone who was staring, playing up the big scary man act in an effort to hide how weak he felt.

The aged bartender regarded them suspiciously. "What'dya want?"

Jayne didn't bother with any niceties. "Bring me a beer, a shot o' whiskey, an' the biggest steak ya have available."

Simon nodded. "Same again."

The bartender sucked his teeth for a moment. "Ya got any credits?"

The two of them looked at each other, suddenly remembering what had started this predicament, trying to think of an excuse when suddenly a burly man trundled up. His size was more due to over indulgence then fitness, but the piggy eyes were glaring meanly at the two filthy new comers.

"Git out, we don't like yer kind 'round 'ere."

Jayne turned, staring down a the man with icy eyes. "Yeah, an' what kind might that be?"

The man sniffed, gesturing at Simon. "Core trash, strangers, whatever you want it ta be son; we jus' don't like ya."

Simon sighed, exasperated. "Sir, we were attacked by a Reaver hunting party; we came here to warn you all, we're on our way to Grafton."

Other men were standing throughout the bar now, all regarding them with the same nasty expression. "Keep yer lies fer some other place boy, now git out."

Simon turned to go but Jayne stood his ground. "Y'all like bein' dumb Rim trash? He's tellin' the damn truth; Hapsfield got hit, we jus' escaped."

The fat man chortled. "O' course it did."

He reached out a hand to patronizingly pat Jayne's shoulder, piggy eyes going wide when the big man snapped out his hand and neatly broke the offending wrist, kneeing him in the face as he fell. Simon groaned as other men started attacking, resigning himself to another fight as Jayne whooped, throwing tables and stools throughout the room.

Simon's chest ached, he was hungry, and he wasn't getting his beer anytime soon. Not to mention his growing suspicions that Jayne was somehow involved with his sister. This all lead him to the conclusion that he was furious, and a fight suddenly didn't seem like such a bad idea.

He punched one man, copying Jayne and bringing his elbow backwards into the face behind him. He kneed another in the groin as a fourth was flung past, Jayne's gleeful shout echoing through the yelling.

The big man was landing punches left and right, but when a stool caught his ribcage he paused and hissed in pain, landing a fist in the face for his hesitation. Simon realized they were vastly outnumbered and in no condition to stay, and he grabbed Jayne's wrist, relieved when the big man pushed through the crowd and sprinted out behind him.

The bar was left in turmoil as patrons continued to beat one another senseless, and they ducked around the corner as lawmakers sprinted to the area. Jayne pulled him through a back door of a closed shop, looking around.

Clothing.

He grinned as he strode towards the men's section, stripping off his torn t-shirt and replacing it with a black wife beater. His cargos were next to go, the shredded pants thrown to the floor as he grabbed another pair. He picked up his old pants and went through the pockets, suddenly stopping dead.

He opened his pack in a panic, emptying it on the floor and rifling through, his heart beating louder and louder at the nothing he kept finding.

"Looking for something?"

He turned. Simon's eyes were cold as he held out the necklace. "See, it's the strangest thing; I bought River a necklace just like this a long time ago. And here you are with the exact same necklace."

Jayne stood, his voice low. "Doc, don't be gettin' ahead o'-"

"_Bi zui_. So, there are two things I can deduce from this. Either you've stolen my sister's favourite necklace, or she gave it to you."

His eyes narrowed. "Now why would she do that?"

Jayne held out his hands. "Doc, it ain't what ya think. We had a thing-"

"WHAT!"

Simon was breathing heavily, anger creasing his brow and his eyes turning colder and harder by the minute. "Given the past few days I'm going to give you one chance to explain this to me."

Jayne scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. "Er, well…started after Miranda. Came ta my bunk an-"

Jayne stopped abruptly when he realized that he wasn't exactly explaining this well, a fact that Simon's face was confirming as the doctor seethed. "You're not going to tell me you were friends first, that feelings grew, that this was something fairly innocent you'd _forgotten_ to mention at the dinner table one night?"

Jayne looked confused. "Doc, ya seen how we was 'afore Miranda; we weren't no friends or nuthin'. After, things felt a little different; she musta Heard me havin' a nightmare one night, came down an'…musta thought I needed some…lookin' after."

_Soft skin softer lips kitten sighs and wild cries._

"Comfort? She thought she was helping you?"

Simon's voice was growing louder and more furious with every word, echoing through the empty shop.

"She's barely eighteen, has been brutally experimented on by the Alliance, is barely finding her feet again and you use her for THAT? Why Jayne, why would you do that to a damaged girl, why would you violate her like that?"

Jayne's eyes narrowed at the ugly accusation. "Doc, ya wanna be watchin' yer mouth, them's some nasty words."

Simon was steaming. "Is that what you did? Threaten her if she said anything? No wonder she's been withdrawing lately!"

Jayne shook his head. "Nah Doc, ya don't get it; it's over. Been over fer nigh on two months now."

_A memory, River stumbling back to her room, the sound of her footsteps waking him in the night. Fragile and shaking, her mouth bruised as if she'd been pressing her lips together tightly. Holding her while she cried, trying to find out what was wrong. "Just a dream just a dream just a dream just a dream."_

"_Mei mei, what happened?"_

"_Just a dream, disappeared, nothing more. Little pile of ashes where red muscle and redder blood once beat steadily. Fade away on word knives that cut our feet."_

_She been sick the next morning, hadn't felt well since._

Simon's eyes went wide with realization. "The girl you were talking about, the one who wanted more…that was my SISTER?" Took a furious step forward. "You used her up and then you broke her heart? She's been a mess because of you!"

Jayne's temper snapped. He was exhausted, had no credits, and there were Reavers dancing around this planet like demon fairies. He'd been miserable for two months and not a single person had noticed or asked him if anything was wrong, and every time he saw the girl she was looking thinner, her clothing baggier.

He couldn't do this.

The old pattern emerged, slipping over him like a comfortable old coat, and he smirked at the doctor.

"Well it ain't my fault iffen she can't recognise a quick fuck when she sees one."

Simon howled as he charged, smashing into Jayne and pushing them both back through the glass window of the store, rolling out into the street. Both men stood with a groan as their injuries made their presence known, shards of glass slicing into their skin.

Jayne kipped to his feet, circling like a hungry predator as Simon threw ugly words at him again and again. "To think I was actually starting to trust you! You're nothing but a piece of Rim trash who uses up anyone and everything around you. I thought Ariel was bad, but this? This is the worst thing you could do to her. You're scum."

Jayne hissed through his teeth, feeding on his anger and using it to shield himself from the pain those words were causing him. He smirked lasciviously, straightening to his full height, flexing a bare arm and putting a hand on Carmine.

"Easy there Doc, ain't like she didn't mind a good tumble, jus' couldn't let go." Dark, nasty chuckle. "Guess most girls are like that after their first."

The words tasted like ashes in his mouth and he wanted to explain, to erase them, to talk about his hurt and pain and fear. Townsfolk were beginning to gather, lawmen wouldn't be far away, and they needed to get to Grafton.

Simon's eyes twitched. "Oh god-"

"Oh yeah she said that alright, screamed that out plenty."

"You fucking cowardly pig!"

"Good enough fer yer sister Doc, should try ta be nicer ta me."

"I'll kill you!"

"You'll try, an' then I'll have ta 'xplain ta Mal why we ain't got a doctor no more."

"Just tell me why, why did you do this?"

"When've ya ever known me ta say no ta free tail?"

"And that's all she was to you? A piece of tail?"

"Barely even that Doc; she's got plenty o' learnin' ta do, not that she weren't up fer it."

"Oh god if you've hurt her-"

"Girl's a hellcat Doc, why'd ya think we kept runnin' outta anti-biotic cream? Nail marks."

"And you told her you wanted to end it? Did you even feel sorry?"

Jayne let out a bark of laughter. "Felt relieved Doc, didn't have ta pretend ta like her no more."

Simon's angry expression changed to a cold, smug smile, the look a bucket of ice water drenching Jayne with fear as he realised what had happened.

"You threw her away that easily, so I suppose this would count as poetic justice."

He held up the keys to the mule and Betsy, both pilfered when he'd charged Jayne through the window. The wallet he held was empty of credits but Simon knew the use an ident card could have. Jayne's mouth dropped as Simon turned, sprinting down the street back towards the mule. He saw the floater rise into the air above the buildings, and felt as if he'd been punched in the gut.

Jayne looked at the curious townspeople around him, saw the lawmakers approaching.

"_Ta ma de."_


	10. Chapter 10

**TITLE: **Jayne and Simon's Excellent Adventure

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine

* * *

Kaylee was frantic as she paced the engine room, already pulling every drop of power Serenity had to offer and then some. On the bridge River was staring out at the stars, memories and pain trickling over her like a waterfall.

_Skin hit skin, flesh met flesh, hot hard muscle finding cool soft warmth, burning and freezing them both, melting and turning their sighs and moans to liquid snarls and growls of pleasure and pain._

_Eyes watching as she came, studying her every moan, every sigh, every whimper until her body was played like a perfect instrument designed solely for pleasure. Calloused palms slipping roughly over silken skin. Nails biting into his back as he pounded into her, drawing blood and leaving their marks as she whispered his name between breathy pants._

_Cresting, tumbling, falling over the edge, whirling and flying towards ecstasy as he strung tight against her, following down the dark road they'd both created. Heavy weight of his body covering hers as he slumped against her, sweat and heat melting into her night cool skin, her hands curling up over his back and against his neck._

_Whispering into his ear, "I love you."_

_Hearing nothing in return. Not out loud, at least._

_Two kisses. Four months of lust and passion and comfort. And two kisses. One given that first night she came to him, when he was half asleep and still filled with nightmares._

_The other had left her lips as bruised as her heart, contempt and fury in the rough touch._

* * *

Jayne disappeared around a corner before the Ranscog crowd could take any revenge for the bar fight. He fumed as he ducked through an archway, thoughts racing through his head.

_Ruttin' weasel doctor leavin' me stranded good luck ta him finding his way through Grafton gonna wind up in the lock up or worse. Good, leave him, screw him, time for a new beginning, time ta find some other ship ta deal with, some other crew ta loathe. Time ta escape, leave the Doc fer his own damn self ta taken care o', go back ta lookin' after Jayne Cobb._

He rounded another corner, stopping dead at the sight of an unattended mule. He could escape, he'd seen the map, knew there was another town where ships took off from, unlikely the Reavers had hit it yet. He could get there by nightfall, could be on a boat by morning.

He grinned as he leapt up, ready to disappear from the world of Serenity, ready to find a new life, escape to a new beginning. He looked to his left; Tonteen was on the other side of the planet, but this thing had enough fuel to get him there. To his right was the way to Grafton.

He smirked. Doc'd wind up pick pocketed, beaten, probably dead by sundown. In the far distance to his right he saw a great ship heading towards Grafton, black smoke billowing out behind it, a clear indicator of no core containment.

Reavers.

He started up the mule, ready to disappear into a new life.

A second of hesitation.

Damnit.

* * *

Simon was ignoring the growing twang of guilt that had settled in his chest ever since he left Ranscog. He sighed in relief when he saw the town of Grafton fast approaching – he'd driven straight through the night, desperate to get off this rock before anything else went wrong.

To get back to River.

He parked the mule and double checked everything, his pilfered weapon holstered, Jayne's wallet pressing into his pocket.

He leapt from the mule, sprinting into town and searching for the nearest wave station alert. Finally he saw it, moving quickly to the battered wave machine and programming in Serenity's digits. He sighed in relief when Mal's face appeared on the screen.

"Oh thank god. I'm in Grafton, I need a pick up right now; there's Reavers about."

Mal nodded. "Yup, we know, we're on our way. Still a few hours out, ya got somewhere ya can hunker down?"

Simon glanced around. "No, but I'll find somewhere."

Mal's eyes narrowed. "Doc, where's my merc?"

Simon shook his head. "Not here right now."

Before Mal could respond a small hand had pushed him out of the way, and River's face filled the screen. Before Simon could greet her happily he realized he hadn't actually seen her look so angry in…well…ever.

She looked ready to reach through the screen and strangle him. "Left? LEFT?

Simon gulped. "_Mei mei_, after I found out…I couldn't…the things he said."

River's eyes seemed to understand but her mouth was pressed in a firm line. "Not your decision to make, not your person to leave behind, not your heart to break!"

Simon was getting angry. "After what he did? How he treated you? You expected me to bring him along? He's trash!"

River looked ready to retort when suddenly another face filled the screen. Kaylee's warm eyes were now filled with understanding and concern.

"Simon, we know."

Mal's irritated voice was audible in the background. "Wait, what do we know?"

Kaylee ignored him. "Simon, I'm guessin' iffen ya left him behind ya took some stuff with ya?"

"Someone tell me what we ruttin' know right now!"

Simon had the good grace to look guilty. "Well…yes."

She arched a brow. "Ya take his wallet?"

Simon nodded mutely.

"I'm warnin' ya; I'm the Captain o' this here boat, if y'all know I know too!"

She sighed. "Why don't ya take a look inside sometime."

"If someone don't tell me right-"

Zoe's calm voice in the background. "Sir, now's not the time."

River was back on the screen now, eyes still flashing in anger at her brother, and Simon wondered if she would ever forgive him. She didn't need to say a word. Simon flipped open Jayne's wallet. The capture was battered, as if it had been there for a long time, finger marks visible around the edges. It had been taken not long after they'd left the hospital following Miranda, while the crew were still healing.

Zoe was sitting in the galley while River knelt beside her, one hand laid gently over her stomach as she whispered to the swell. Jayne sat at the table sharpening a knife, and for a split second his eyes met River's, secretive smiles appearing on both of their faces. The capture looped, and every time it came around Simon saw that Jayne had been flicking his eyes to the Reader again and again, until finally hers met his filled with warmth.

River's voice was quiet. "Timing is everything."

That night that River had come back to her room crying, the night she'd started withdrawing. Jayne had said it had happened four months after Miranda.

Mattie.

He thought back to Jayne, desperately searching through his bag for the necklace, feeling it in his back pocket for strength before fighting the Reavers, patiently teaching him how to shoot, tossing him Vera without a second though during the battle. Thought back to the ugly words in Ranscog, thought back to how Jayne's reaction…had only come about when Simon started his vile accusations.

_Ta ma de._

Simon sighed. "I know, _mei mei_, I know…we'll find him."

Before she could reply her eyes clouded over, seeing into a reality past him, and he was suddenly filled with fear.

"Simon, _run._"

He turned in time to see lawmakers coming around the corner, a familiar looking warrant clasped in one of their hands as they spotted him. He gulped, flicking off the wave and bolting around the corner before they could see him. He was breathing heavily as he heard them follow, and he took off as quickly as he could, sprinting through the streets of Grafton.

He heard them pounding after him, shouting for him to stop, that he was bound by law, and he pushed harder. He wasn't in the city now, this was the industrial sector, and he bolted into an abandoned warehouse. The night was thick and black now, no lights were on in the warehouse, and he heard the mighty crash of a ship landing a mile away.

He struggled to collect his thoughts, wincing when he heard the sound of running footsteps in the distance. He couldn't see _anything_, the place was pitch black, and it had the strangest smell to it. It reminded him of the morgues at medical school, and in the dark, with only the sound of his own breathing and encroaching doom, he briefly wondered how he'd make it out of this one.

And wished, more than anything, that Jayne was here.

If only to apologise.

Their shouts were now right outside the warehouse, and Simon held out the LeMat with a shaking hand as he heard them thunder in, both in front and behind him. Someone found a light switch, and Simon flinched as the bright lights illuminated the warehouse floor. Several uniform clad lawmen were staring at him, guns pointing.

He struggled to control his breathing the way Jay-…the way he'd been taught. He waited for the shouting, the fire, the orders to put down his weapon.

It never came.

The officer's eyes had widened so far the whites were visible, and they turned as one, bolting back out the entrance of the warehouse faster than anything Simon had ever seen. He blinked.

A grin spread over his face as the feeling of triumph swept over him. Nobody thought he could be badass when he needed to? Well suck it!

A wet growl sounded behind him and suddenly Simon remembered the crash of a ship in the distance, the feet that had approached through the entrance _and_ behind him.

He turned slowly, already having the uncomfortable feeling that he knew what he would find. Sure enough, standing only a few meters behind him, snarling and growling with anticipation, barbaric weapons at the ready, were about twenty Reavers.

As one they charged forward, snarling and roaring, and Simon closed his eyes and turned the LeMat to his temple.


	11. Chapter 11

**TITLE: **Jayne and Simon's Excellent Adventure

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine

* * *

For a second time seemed to freeze. He could clearly see the faces of every violent maniac, could clearly spot every self-inflicted maim, every wound, every piece of sewn skin, every fleck of dried blood and infected pus. Their howling screams melded momentarily into white noise, and suddenly his world was flicking before his eyes.

_Osiris_

_River_

_Camping_

_The Academy_

_River_

_Serenity_

_Kaylee_

_Crew_

_Miranda_

_Book_

_Wash_

_Philia_

_Jayne_

_Kaylee_

_River_

_Kaylee_

He'd heard people say they felt peace in a moment such as this, but that was not Simon's experience. Inside his blood howled its fear and rage at dying like this, without making it up to Kaylee, without finding Jayne, without seeing River again. Inside he screamed louder than any Reaver ever could.

His finger tightened on the trigger, his eyes squeezing shut as he prepared to take himself out of the Reavers blood splattered picture. There weren't enough rounds to take on the swarm, he had nowhere to run, no place to hide.

This was the end.

Something warm and strong wrapped around his wrist, yanking it upright along with the collar of his shirt. Simon felt the oddest sensation of being pulled straight into the air before landed heavily on a metal platform.

He gasped as he thunked down on the metal, the sudden sound of shots being fired ringing in his ears like the finest choirs of Sihnon, the sweetest songs of Osiris, the harps of Isis playing on a Callahan full-bore auto lock.

Jayne.

"Come'n get it ya fuckin' animals!"

A spear flew up, catching Jayne on the arm.

"You motherfucker! Whoooooo!"

Simon sighed in relief. "If this is what going mad feels like, sign me up for insanity."

The big man was standing on the platform firing into the swarming mass of Reavers who were now snarling out their fury and violent rage as they tried to climb towards the platform. The mercenary grabbed Simon's arm, hauling him upright with one hand as the other kept up its intimate dance with Vera's trigger.

"We gotta bail!"

Simon nodded mutely, following Jayne's eyes to a window above them. The mercenary nodded, keeping up Vera's dance as he followed Simon to the ladder. More Reavers were swarming into the warehouse as Simon struggled with and then smashed the window, using his pack to clear the broken glass.

A ladder down the side of the warehouse allowed them to jump down to the ground, and the screaming howls of the Reavers inside told them they wouldn't have long before they were chased. Simon looked over to Jayne, raising his pack, and the bigger man nodded with a grin.

They each pulled out a grenade, pulling the pins and tossing them in through the window they'd just escaped from. The turned simultaneously, striding away from the warehouse into the night. Behind them the night sky was filled with fire and howls as the warehouse blew to pieces, sending fiery debris in every direction.

Neither turned around.

"I feel like we need a cool catchphrase."

"Don't ruin it Doc."

* * *

"There, put us down! The warehouse!"

"Sir calm yourself down, you're no good to anyone like this."

"CALM DOWN? LOOK AT THAT PLACE!"

"Sir, I'm serious…"

"Seriously what the hell've they done?"

"Sir, I'm warnin' ya, River needs ta concentrate on landing."

"But Zo' lookit-ARRRGHHHH!"

"I warned you, Sir."

"Thank you Zoe."

"Anytime little one."

* * *

Simon was trying to stay on his feet as they ran through the now empty town. "There'll be more of them, Serenity's on its way but I don't know-"

"I get it Doc, danger an' all that."

Simon gulped as Jayne paused in an alley to drink from a filthy looking tap. "Uh, Jayne?"

"Not now Doc."

"No but-"

Jayne rounded on him. "What? What're ya gonna say? I get why ya did it." He chuckled humourlessly. "Hell, didn' know ya had the balls fer it. Guess I'm a li'l impressed."

Simon shook his head. "I was wrong, I-"

"No, ya weren't. What I said…Doc I'm outta my zone with all this, I ain't got no clue how ta make it up ta her. I fucked up but bad, an' I ain't got no clue how ta fix it."

Simon watched as Jayne slumped against a wall, looking more lost than he'd ever seen him. The doctor thought for a moment before pulling something out of his pocket. He held it for a second before passing it over.

Jayne looked down at his wallet, the silver necklace wrapped carefully around it. He looked back up at Simon, the doctor looking very calm.

"For what it's worth, you have my blessing."

Jayne took the proffered items, flicking open the wallet and running a finger over the capture inside. He closed it, shoving it into his back pocket along with the necklace. He warily met Simon's eyes again.

"Not fer nuthin' or nuthin', but why?"

Simon's smile was exhausted but sincere. "You are still a man-ape-gone-wrong thing, and you're going to drive me nuts for the rest of my life. But you just dived into an army of Reavers and pulled me out. The thing you're most terri- that you don't like, you faced, just to save me. If that doesn't make you a good man, I don't know what does. I am proud to call you a crewmate, and would be even prouder to call you a friend."

Jayne looked for any hint of mockery or sarcasm, but everything about Simon was completely open. He looked down at the hand Simon offered, and took it in his own. He grinned.

"Ya get hurt back there?"

Simon shook his head. "No, actually, not a scratch."

Jayne scratched his goatee thoughtfully. "No hits ta the stomach or nuthin'?"

Simon regarded him suspiciously, suddenly realizing his hand was still locked firmly in Jayne's meaty paw.

"Uh…no…"

"Good."

"Why-OOFPH!"

"Sorry 'bout that, but ya did leave me in a town full'a lawmen an' took my gun."

"I thought we were having a moment!"

"We were, was real nice too. Then that happened."

"You are such an asshole."

Jayne grinned as he reached out a hand to help Simon up from the ground. The doctor glared but took the hand, allowing Jayne to pull him up and having the grace and good humour to return his grin despite his aching stomach.

"Think I parked the mule I jacked somewhere round here."

Simon nodded and they began walking in silence. Jayne was looking very thoughtful as he turned his head to look at Simon from the corner of his eyes.

"Ya meant what ya said back there; ya wanna be friends, ya ain't gonna care iffen River's mine?"

Simon nodded. "I meant every word. Of course, it was a much nicer moment before you-"

"Yeah yeah, I know. Said I was sorry."

"You punched me in the gut!"

"I know, I was there, made my fist move an' everythin'."

"…"

"Doc?"

"Yes?"

"I'd be pretty proud ta have ya as a friend too."

"Good, that's settled then."

"…"

"What?"

"Ya know I'm sexin' her right?"

"Don't ruin it, idiot."

* * *

The second she'd landed Serenity River disappeared down into Jayne's bunk, coming up and bolting past Mal and Zoe and into the cold night.

Mal's eyebrows shot up to his hair line.

"Wait…was that…was that a gorram _bazooka_?"

"Um, yes, Sir, I believe it was."

"When the hell did I let Jayne get a bazooka?"

* * *

They were running through the streets, all too aware that the sounds of violence were drawing closer as other Reavers swarmed the town. Jayne knew he'd parked the mule somewhere around here before he'd headed to the warehouse, but it seemed someone had commandeered their vehicle.

They spotted another one nearby, and were heading towards it when a particularly nasty roar sounded. Their feet moved double time, bringing them closer and closer to the mule when they both stopped dead as another sound filled the night.

The scream was decidedly human, decidedly female, and couldn't have come from an adult.

The looked at one another, neither speaking as they turned and bolted in the direction of the scream. The Reavers had swarmed a park where two terrified women were holding them back with pistols that had seen better days. And with them were six petrified looking children.

To their left was a house with reinforced doors, and horrified eyes were looking out the window, helpless as the Reavers began to charge forwards towards their intended victims.

Simon turned. "We need to get them out of there now!"

Jayne nodded, pulling Vera across his chest and firing a short barrage into the air. He held one hand to the side of his mouth, bellowing at the top of his lungs.

"HEY, YOU BOYS WANNA TRY SOME RED MEAT FER A CHANGE?"

Simon gulped as the violent monsters turned and ran towards Jayne, the big man bolting off into the night, a swarm of snarling Reavers following their moving target. Simon didn't bother wasting time with pleasantries, yelling for the women to follow him and sprinting for the building.

He snatched up two children while the women grabbed the others, pushing them through the door. One woman turned back to him. "Get in!"

He shook his head. "I can't."

He heard the door slamming behind him as he bolted off after Jayne, refusing to leave his comrade to that kind of fate on his own. He came to the town square where Jayne was pumping shots into the little army that had followed him. The big man was cornered under a heavy stone statue, and Simon heard the Callahan click empty. He looked around desperately for some kind of distraction when suddenly it dropped down in front of him.

He took one look at his sister and darted forward, catching Jayne's attention.

"Jayne, dive!"

Jayne did as he was told as River perched on one knee, the bazooka held on one shoulder as she fired the rocket straight into the shocked army of mad men. It hit the building behind them, the huge explosion sending debris crashing down on whatever had survived the initial blast.

As the dust settled Zoe, Mal and Kaylee bolted around the corner.

The stood staring at the sight before them. Jayne and Simon had tumbled to the ground after the blast, the building behind them having collapsed, leaving a blanket of dust and an avalanche of rock. River stood at the other end of the square, bazooka hanging at her side as she stared at them.

Jayne and Simon stared up at River from their position in the dirt. Simon's voice was very quiet.

"And to think, you get to apologise to her."

Mal looked at his lost boys. Both were covered in dust, Jayne's face was half black with bruising, Simon's bite wound on his arm had started bleeding again. Their clothes were torn, they looked exhausted, and as they helped each other up from the ground Mal saw the bulk of a bandage around Jayne's leg, saw him clutch his ribcage.

Simon sprinted forward to Kaylee, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist and kissing her as she laughed delightedly. He set her down, holding her face in his hands as he kissed her again and again. His words echoed through the destroyed town square, humming with exhaustion and relief.

"It's you, Kaylee, you're everything. I'm so sorry I let you down, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you what I needed to say. The truth is you're everything, the alpha and omega, and I love you more than I ever thought I could love. Marry me, Kaylee, be my wife and let me spend the rest of my life loving you."

Kaylee's eyes had filled with tears that were now streaming down her face as she smiled radiantly at him, nodding her head and laughing when he whooped, picking her up again and kissing her as if his life depended on it.

Jayne moved to River. She was shaking against the cold night, her dress pulled about by the wind, and her eyes were dark and unreadable. The terror and exhaustion of the last few days finally caught up with him, his shame and fatigue sending him to his knees, mirroring his posture from the hospital after Miranda.

His voice was hoarse with pain and exhaustion.

"I love ya. Been in love wit' ya since the first time ya came outta those blast doors. Been more in love with ya every day since then. An' jus' when I think I can want ya no more'n I already do I see ya an' can't help myself; you're everything. I'm…_ma de_…I'm so sorry baby-girl."

He turned his head up towards her, begging her with everything he had to feel the truth in his words, to understand what he was saying, to believe him and find him worthy once more. He wanted nothing more than the cool touch of her hand, to taste her lips again, to show her what she meant to him.

She looked down at him with those unearthly, unreadable eyes. She flicked a glance up to Simon, who cocked an eyebrow, nodding once.

She bent for a moment, and Jayne waited for the welcome touch of cool lips against his forehead, closing his eyes in anticipation.

Which meant he never saw the boot coming.

The crew stood over Jayne's prone form.

"Uh, _mei mei_, that's not really what I thought you were going for."

"Yeah, damn Riv, he's out cold, I thought y'all we're havin' a moment."

"We were, was real nice too. Then that happened."

Snigger.

"Simon don't laugh, you and Cap'n are goin' to have to help him get back to the ship. I ain't doin' it with this baby in my belly."

"Yes Zoe."

"CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE _GUAY _IS GOIN' ON RIGHT NOW?"

"Come on, Sir, let's get these boys home."

"Why the rush Zo'? I want explanations."

"Reavers, lawmakers-"

"They can wait two seconds."

"-and I think my water jus' broke."

"Ah, well then…carry on."


	12. Chapter 12

**TITLE: **Jayne and Simon's Excellent Adventure

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine

* * *

They managed to land on Sihnon before Zoe's labour started to get serious. Mal was pacing the room outside of the infirmary anxiously as Simon tried to keep Zoe calm, drinking from a cup of coffee as if his life depended on it.

Considering how tired he was, maybe it did.

Mal was beyond tense as his first mate and oldest friend went into labour under the protection of a wounded, exhausted doctor.

Simon was stretching his neck and slapping his face to keep from falling asleep, although Zoe's Mar'es Leg was firmly pointed at his head at the moment, and damned if that didn't keep a man well awake.

"Doc, I know you're tired, but that's my whole world you're dealing with right now. You best stay awake, dong ma?"

Simon nodded wearily, surprisingly unthreatened by the sawn off pointing at his face. Zoe cocked a brow but smiled at his display of newfound bravery before another contraction hit.

Jayne was slouched on the infirmary couch, refusing to go into the room in case Zoe decided to use his hands as stress balls again. His wounds had been redressed, and he was now sulking as River stroked one hand through his hair. He knew he probably deserved the kick, but damned if he didn't have a headache now.

She brought over a smoother and his bad mood faded somewhat.

She whispered that he would need a shower soon and any leftover anger disappeared completely.

Shiny.

Mal was running his hands through his hair as Zoe's pants became heavier, and when a warm hand touched his shoulder he spun quickly. He stopped dead at the sight of sparkling black eyes and a warm smile, grabbing up one of Inara's hands in his own and pressing his lips to her knuckles. His eyes were filled with nervous anticipation as he struggled to control his smile.

"Well?"

Her smile became a happy grin. "I am no longer a Companion. You are now looking at a fully registered Counsellor, complete with marriage license."

Mal whooped as he pulled her into a tight hug, pressing kisses all over her face as she laughed, swatting at him gracelessly. She was back, his beautiful, irritating, infuriating Inara was back, and she was ready to be his, to take him as hers.

Kaylee grinned as she watched the reunite, relieved that their little ship had its family back together, feeling happier than she had in a long time.

A pained moan echoed from the infirmary and Inara took Mal's hands from around her, moving to Zoe's side and grabbing a sponge suspended in cool water, running over Zoe's face. Simon's exhausted voice sounded from under the sheet.

"One more push Zoe, just one big one."

The first mate sat up, breathing heavily as she felt the contraction hit, and suddenly stars of pain were bursting before her eyes and her agonised scream ripped through the ship and just when she didn't think she could possibly do any more a tiny little cry echoed along with her own yell.

She fell back against the pillow as Simon wrapped her baby in a blanket, handing him over to his exhausted mother.

Everyone backed out of the room as Zoe stared into the little face. Mocha complexion, a head of black curls, and bright blue eyes. Wash's eyes. Zoe felt the tears sliding down her face as she looked into her late husband's last and greatest gift, running one finger gently down the soft cheek, her tears falling to wet the baby's tiny visage, blue eyes blinking up at her.

She looked down at the tiny person she had carried for the last few months, looked into the eyes she had loved for the past few years, looked into the world she had never known she wanted until she had met him. Blue eyes blinked sleepily, seemingly confused by this strange new world, and Zoe was briefly reminded of Wash's warm voice in their bunk late at night.

_"You know any kids of ours will be basically encased in bubble wrap?"_

_"Yes husband."_

_"Seriously, between you and me and Mal and everyone else..."_

_"I know, husband."_

_"Are we really ready for this?"_

_"What do you think?"_

_"…"_

_"Well?"_

_"I think I love you. I think I've loved you more than I've ever loved anything. I think the sun sets when your eyes close in sleep and it rises again when I get the first blast of your morning breath. And with all that love floating about, I think that whatever got created as a result would be just…shiny."_

_"So…yes?"_

_"Yes."_

Perfect.

She laughed as the tears flowed harder. "Wash, baby, I don't know if you're up there somewhere, I don't know if you're listenin', but look; look what we made. He's…he's perfect. An', an' I don't know if I can do this on my own, but thank you."

Grief and joy warred in her heart as the tears began to flow freely, the baby clutched to her chest as she mourned her lost love and celebrated her new one. Her baby boy, Wash's son, reached up a tiny hand to wrap miniscule fingers around her thumb, and she laughed through her tears, knowing that this little piece of Wash was everything she could have ever hoped for.

A hand laid itself on her shoulder, and she looked up into Mal's eyes. Years of understanding passed between them, a lifetime of words spinning through their locked eyes, and as the rest of the crew entered, as her family came to see their newest member, Zoe could swear she heard the bright laughter of a pilot echoing in the distance. River knelt down close, bringing a pale finger over the baby's cheek, cooing softly. She turned all seeing eyes to Zoe.

"Perfect, safest baby in all the 'verse."

Inara turned to Jayne. "Looking forward to doing this yourself soon?"

Later Simon reflected that he'd never heard anything so loud as a mercenary fainting to the floor.

* * *

"We's havin' a baby?"

"Yes, tiny life growing."

"How long?"

"Two months."

"So that night, when ya came ta talk ta me, when I...ya knew?"

"...yes."

"An' ya been tryin' ta tell me ever since?"

"Yes."

He groaned as he pulled her closer, grateful for the privacy of his bunk. He buried his face in her stomach, just like he had that night, but this time he felt her tension, felt her self-protective instinct hold her straight rather than melding her to him, hands stiff at her sides rather than running fingers through his hair.

He looked up, pained to see her face so carefully blank. He gripped her hips tightly, standing and bringing her with him, pulling her up and hooking one are under her ass as he felt her legs lock around his waist for balance.

Still that same expression, so carefully blank, so restrained. He ran his free hand over her face, tangling it in her hair. He saw the glint of wetness trickle down her cheek, felt her tremble with fear and misery.

He'd caused this.

He breathed into her hair. "Ah, baby-girl, what've I done?"

She didn't answer as he began to press light kisses down her neck, along her jaw, his stubble scratching at the porcelain skin he loved so much. Her face was wet with tears as he kissed her cheek, her forehead, resting his lips at her temple for a moment.

He paused, reaching his free hand behind him to his back pocket, pulling out her gift as her legs clung tighter to support herself.

He held up the necklace. "Ya know what this did?"

She tilted her head, pulling it out of his mind. "Kept you safe, found your strength and saved you both."

He nodded. "That's it baby-girl; reminded me there was somethin' worth fightin' fer, somethin' I was missin' but bad."

She trailed a hand down his cheek, following the line of his arm to the necklace. She stretched out her fingers to fit into the slots between his, the necklace tangling between their hands as she looked him in the eyes.

Those brown eyes brooked no deceit.

"Left us. Too laden with grief and fear to find any light."

He nodded again. "That I was, baby-girl, that I was. Couldn' see fer all that, didn't figure out that this was worth fightin' fer til I didn' know if I'd ever get ta fight again."

He brought their joined hands to her temple, holding it there tightly. "I get it now, I do. An' I ain't ever makin' that mistake again, _dong ma_? That's my little one in there, an' this here is my girl. Ain't nuthin' gonna take that away again."

He studied her face in the darkness, her cool body leeching its calm, smooth ice into his own heat. "Ya believe me, don't ya?"

Those eyes were boring into him, tearing away any secrets, any lies, any hints of deception. Any guards he had up he laid to waste, allowing her full reign of his mind, his heart, his soul. Slowly her eyes started tearing up again, but this time it wasn't anguish or misery colouring her features with their grey masks; this was joy.

"Always?"

"Fer ever'n ever, til I ain't nuthin' but dust."

He leaned forward then, pressing his lips to hers, desperate to erase the agony, the pain, the cruelty and the contempt he'd forced on her with his last kiss. He felt her mouth open, felt slim arms wrap around his neck as he kissed her deeply, tasting his future.

Much, much later, they lay in his bed. Her thin form was draped over his, her head buried in his neck as arms thick with muscle wrapped around her. He pressed one hand against the barely discernable bump on her lean stomach, holding her tightly and counting her breathes.

Her eyes opened, pinning him to the bed, stripping away any artifice. "She will love to dance."

A slow warmth unlike anything he'd felt before was blooming in his chest, spreading his mouth into a wide grin. "A girl?"

River nodded. "Yes, a little angel, pink wings floating her home."

Jayne felt his heart pound and fear laced his veins. "I'm gonna be a Da."

River sat up, glaring at him. "No, you will not be your father. You will laugh and play and dance and have tea parties whether you like it or not. You will hold her when she cries and rejoice when she succeeds and growl when she discovers boys and wipe away tears on her wedding day. You will be perfect, complete, whole, source of unconditional love."

Jayne couldn't look her in the eyes as his voice sounded plaintive and unsure through his..._their _bunk. "Can ya see all that? Can ya be sure? Can ya Read it?"

River tilted his head towards her, those brown eyes filled with patience, understanding, love. "Don't need to be a Reader to know that. Survived the wilderness, the forest, the lawmakers, the Reavers, even Cameron." He chuckled as she continued, "And kept her brother safe through all of it. She knows, has known, what kind of man he is far longer than he. He will be helpless, unable to argue, unable to fight; she will be spoiled rotten. Wrapped around her little finger from day one. And he will love every minute of it."

He smirked, pulling up her right hand and rubbing a thumb across her knuckles. "Gonna need a ring on that finger soon."

She sniffed primly. "She doesn't know if she wants to marry the big ape-man-gone-wrong thing."

Jayne laughed loudly as he pulled her up til she was lying on top of him, loving her playful grin, sitting up to kiss her hard before his eyes suddenly grew concerned.

She tilted her head. "Problem?"

He sighed deeply.

"Yeah…yer brother's gonna kill me."

**TWO YEARS LATER**

"You're doing it wrong."

"Doc I've got two o' these an' yer jus' on yer first, don't tell me how ta do it."

"Well the book says-"

"Damn the ruttin' book ta hell an' listen."

"…Is that on backwards?"

"…"

"Jayne?"

"Shaddup I'm thinkin'."

Snigger.

"Oh you wanna go Doc?"

"Back off you big ape."

"Or what?"

"Or I'll tell River how you let your daughter play with Betsy."

"Firstly, she weren't loaded, an' B, are ya that dumb?"

"What?"

"River already knows stuff I ain't even done yet."

"Oh, I see…even that thing on Cyrus?"

"Who do ya think bailed us out?"

"Oh my…"

"Now watch an' learn."

Tug on his cargo pant.

"Daddy, up up."

"Not jus' now baby I'm showin' yer idiot uncle how ta put a nappy on yer cousin."

Snigger.

"You're a terrible teacher."

"Oh yeah?"

"Throwing baby powder, are you honestly that childish?"

"Are ya honestly that dumb?"

"What kind of example does that set for your daughter?"

Whoosh.

"Got him Daddy!"

"That's it baby-girl, you show that mean ol' uncle o' yers."

"That's it!"

Four minutes later.

"Uncle, UNCLE!"

"Say I'm a good teacher."

"No!"

"WILL YOU TWO KNOCK IT OFF AN' JUS' SHOW ME HOW TO PUT A DAMN DIAPER ON THIS THING?"

Simultaneously. "Sorry Mal."

River, Kaylee, Zoe and Inara were watching the scene before them unfold. Two year old Evangeline Cobb was giggling uncontrollably as Jayne struggled to put a diaper on baby Celeste Cobb. Simon was breathing heavily after his scrap with Jayne, still not sure how to put a diaper on baby James Tam, and Mal was covered head to toe in baby powder as he struggled to fit a diaper onto the creepy plastic baby Inara had given him to practice with.

He wasn't sure how it wound up over the plastic creeper's head.

Zoe ran a hand over her son's head, Wash's piercing blue eyes looking up from Rex Washburne's little face. He leaned against her leg, enjoying the show as his uncles began to argue again, the babies and Evangeline all in various stages of giggling.

"Y'all should be experts by now."

"Zo', when I wanna hear from the peanut gallery, I'll ask."

"Don't think yer meant ta wind up wit' the diaper on yer arm, Cap'n."

"Well Jayne, maybe that's what I was goin' fer."

"Congrats then."

Inara sighed when Mal threw the plastic baby at Jayne's head, only to have Simon squirt more powder at his Captain. River and Kaylee ducked forward, snatching up their babies before their husbands managed to drop one, Evangeline giggling uncontrollably as her father, Uncle Mal and Uncle Simon all devolved into a dog pile of baby powder. River held out a hand for her little girl, her baby sister clutched safely in the Reader's arms as River muttered words under her breath that would have made Jayne blush.

If he wasn't too busy throwing the diaper at Mal.

Kaylee sighed, leaning against the heavily pregnant Inara so that James could look at the ex-Companion's sparkly earrings.

River turned in the doorway to look back at the idiots in the galley. Zoe sighed. "There can't be more than six brain cells between those three idiots."

Kayle shrugged. "I dunno, at least they ain't drunk this time."

Inara nodded. "Yes, I never need to see that again for as long as I live."

All four women shuddered at the memory.

The others turned to go but River stayed in the doorway for a moment, watching as her husband and brother began calling one another names. She smiled, feeling Evangeline's little giggles and Celeste's coos against her neck. She turned to leave the three males to their argument, wondering if any one of them would notice that their children were no longer in the room.

She sighed happily as the sounds of friendly tussle broke out once more.

Some things never change.

**THE END**

**

* * *

**

**A/N: **And that's all folks! This story has been so much fun to write, and I'm thrilled that you guys have seemed to enjoy it! To be honest I'm really sad to see it go…which tends to mean I want to write more of it…hmmm.

Anyway, thank you all for reading and reviewing this silly little fic!

Until next time Browncoats,

The Frisky Firelily


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